must…Not…Eat…Cookies…
November 21st, 2001 by Kevin
I am feeling much, much better today. No thanks to the Soup Gramma, who must be out having a cocktail with Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny, and other assorted personified pipe dreams…I went to the gyno, and am having surgery next week. Nothing major, just a little minor remodeling which will hopefully end the Infinite Period. Praise be. At this point, they can tie my fallopian tubes in a French knot, if it’ll take care of the problem. I don’t care. Pump me full of drugs and have at it.
I had the MRI today, which was unexpectedly and thankfully short. On the way home from the hospital, the cab driver was smoking Newports with the windows up. It was like being in a skanky, smelly bar. I immediately felt horrible for every time I’ve smoked in someone’s vehicle. But, being a newly-reformed Nazi Nonsmoker, I had to be a jerk. So I rolled the back windows down. She asked me to roll them back up, because she was cold(She had on short sleeves and no coat. Hello? Chicago? Late fall?). So I rolled the dirty, grimy windows back up, and fake-coughed at the top of my lungs the entire way home. I was coughing like I had emphysema or something, really hacking away, and I could tell she was getting pretty irritated. Finally, she put the cigarette out five minutes from my house. I tipped her two bucks. Had she not put it out, or put it out right in front of my house, I would only have tipped a dollar. Had she thrown the butt at me, which is probably what I would have done while still in the throes of nicotine addiction, I would not have tipped at all.
I am done with the rounds until next week. So, I can now enjoy a medical practitioner-free Turkey Day. Yay.
I love cranberries. I really do. Not the crappy gel kind that comes out in the shape of the can and looks like Jell-O(although that kind is great to slice and put on a turkey sandwich), but the kind with the whole berries and seeds in it. Mmmm… I spend Thanksgiving evening pulling cranberry skins out of my teeth. It’s the one day that I truly try too eat without guilt. I don’t go crazy, but I don’t calorie count. I also don’t weigh myself for three days afterward…
It should be an interesting Thanksgiving. We’re going to my mom’s, because I appreciate the Irish alcoholic camaraderie that only my stepdad and stepbrothers can create. I hate to subject D. to the fray, but I think he’ll get a kick out of it as much as I do. I am once again boycotting my dad’s side of the family, due to their over-educated, pseudo-religious snobbery, but my dad is fine with it. He understands, and if he could find a good excuse, he’d do the same.
One of these days I’m going to rent a hall and cook a huge dinner for people who can’t tolerate their families. I’m going to have a big group of friends and friends-of-friends gathered around a comfortable, well-decorated table with no plastic or styrofoam involved (my mom hates to wash dishes). We won’t have to listen to Easy Listening radio stations or cheesy holiday music, no one will get belligerent due to long-standing family “issues”, and everyone will enjoy pleasant conversation(NOT involving childhood anecdotes), good wine, and great food. That would be the perfect way to spend the holiday.
Things I am baking/cooking tonight:
double chocolate cookies
white chocolate chip pecan cookies
pumpkin pie, possibly cherry pie (I hate frozen pies)
spinach dip with Hawaiian bread
cheese dip
green bean casserole
Things I am NOT going to eat tonight and will NOT even TASTE until tomorrow:
see above list
Things I am going to try my damnedest not to eat tomorrow, either:
see above list
Damn gluttonous holiday.
I am looking forward to watching Purple Rain, though. My family and I share only one commonality: We both love Prince. So my stepdad bought a copy of Purple Rain, and we watch it after dinner on Thanksgiving and Christmas. You really haven’t lived until you’ve seen my stepdad with about 15 Miller Lites in him, singing “When Doves Cry”. It’s fantastic. Some families watch Jimmy Stewart, we watch Morris Day and The Time. Works for me. I save Jimmy Stewart for Christmas Eve, when I wrap presents at the last minute, drink wine, get verklemmt, and cry.
For some reason, I have no veins; so every time I need a shot, it’s an ordeal. The MRI tech had to shoot dye into me before the second half of the test, and she apparently had a tough time. I didn’t look at it until now, and it’s pretty disgusting. It looks like there are three big hickeys on my arm. Nice.
I need to find something to wear tomorrow. I always think that I should wear something nice on a holiday, and I always end up looking overdressed while everyone else is in jeans or khakis. I already know what everyone else will have on. My mom will have on jeans and some type of holiday-themed sweater(think embroidered turkeys). My stepdad will have on jeans and a Notre Dame football shirt. My five stepbrothers will be dressed in Gap from head to toe, with matching silver chains. D. and J. will wear whatever I tell them to wear. My family fashion government is not a democracy. If I left them to their own devices, J. would dress up like a 3-year-old drag queen in Mardi Gras beads, my blue velvet club shoes, and a flowered hat; and D. would wear a pair of Timberlands and a ribbed T-shirt from Old Navy. Fine for around the house, but not for holiday functions. At least let me pretend we’re going somewhere swanky, as ridiculous as it may be.
I love turkey. I am anxiously awaiting turkey. Mmmm. Turkey.
retro wrote on 11/18/07 at 6:41 pm :
This year my wife decided to have a dry run thanksgiving day to test out her recipes. We soaked the bird in a brine solution she got at William Sonoma it really kept it moist. OMG, the turkey was so good and I get to do it again in a few days!
Jayna McCarron wrote on 12/27/07 at 11:44 am :
Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.