Bad News.
December 14th, 2001 by Kevin
This is going to be one of those long, depressive, rambling entries. Just a warning.Well, I just got a big, fat Tyvek envelope full of Christmas cheer.
If you’re not familiar with my situation, I have been on leave from my job as an analyst for a large steel corporation for about a year, due to a neurological condition that leaves me legally blind. My company has fallen on extremely rough times, and I’ve been sweating it a little lately, as the front-page news articles have been piling up.
Today the news came. As of December 7th, I am unemployed. No severance pay. No disability pay. No health insurance for either myself or my son. That would be the same health insurance that paid for my seriously expensive neurologists, opthalmologists, and the gyno who was about to perform my surgery next week(finally).
To put it in a nutshell, Ol’ Trance is screwed.
SSI has not yet come through, and from what I understand it can take years in a case like mine, since I have some rare problems upstairs. I guess if you can’t see, you’re supposed to get yourself a Golden Retriever, stand in line, and shut the hell up.
I feel prety damn petty for sitting here whining about going to Pittsburgh, I can tell you that.
I’m not exactly sure what I’m going to do. I now have not one thin dime coming in. D. already pays most of our bills. I don’t feel right asking him to pay for my medical expenses as well. I don’t know what I should do.
The neurotic in me says that D. does not need all this bullshit, and that I should give the ring back, tell him to move on, and deal with this on my own.
The nervous wreck in me wants to crawl under the covers and hide.
The happy-go-lucky-jokey-little-Jen in me wants to laugh this off, and act like I’m fine the way I always do. Pop a couple happy pills and try to deal.
The child in me wants to hold on to D. for dear life, and bawl my eyes out.
And the Trance in me wants to go to the SSI office and choke the shit out of somebody.
Does this mean I’m going to have to go on welfare? What the hell does this mean?
I just don’t know.
I’m trying to look at this objectively, but it seems like any way I look at it, I am really up Shit Creek.
Merry Freakin’ Christmas to me.
I’m sitting here, looking at this bullshit five-page letter from my CEO, telling me how very sorry he is that we’re all collectively screwed, and I’m at a loss for words.
I want to smoke a pack of cigarettes and get very, very drunk. However, my Ebola virus is still in full effect, so that’s not going to happen.
I don’t know.
I have nothing else to say.
