Venting.
May 10th, 2006 by Kevin
You know, I am ready to run out of my front door in my underwear, my Ronald McDonald-ass red Jew-fro standing on end, screaming, “DOES JEN HAVE TO SMACK A BITCH?!”
Beceause really, I think I do.
Please excuse what will no doubt contain a whole fucking lot of profanity, mixed metaphors, double negatives, and other shit that would probably make anyone that could actually write get his or her fucking panties in a twist.
I am fucking PISSED.
Number One: These ghetto-ass, broke-down, chalupa-eating, border-jumping, ganja-peddling, hoopty-driving Mexicans across the street need to STAY THE FUCK OFF MY LAWN. You know what, Mijo? Take your sorry-ass, Tweety-bird-yellow convertible that cost more than your entire fucking building, and park the shit ELSEWHERE. I swear to God, if I see that UGLY motherfucking car all hopped up on my lawn one more time this week, I am going to SNAP OFF.
Also: Stop playing Guns and Roses. No self-respecting Mexican would play Guns and Roses while washing his goddamned car. What the fuck is wrong with you? Leave the GNR to the white idiots with the mullets and the poorly maintained facial hair. There has to be some fucking sense of balance in the universe. Christ.
Number Two: I would sincerely like every senile, Social Security-collecting, Viagra-popping, bald, drooling, fat, gold-chain-wearing, cheap-cologne-doused, combover-sporting, old FUCK that goes out to clubs to go play in traffic.
PLEASE CAN ALL OLD PERVS JUST DIE?
What the hell is the matter with these idiots? I cannot go to a bar and order a beer without having nine of these asswipes “accidentally” elbow me in the boobs. One of these days I am going to get myself a taser and zap the geriatric motherfuckers into next week.
YOU NEED TO BE AT HOME WITH YOUR WIFE AND GRANDKIDS, BARNEY. WATCH SOME FUCKING “MURDER SHE WROTE”, DRINK YOUR METAMUCIL, AND GO TO BED BY NINE, YOU DUMB ELDERLY ASSHAT.
Number Three: My neurologist can go suck a dick. “Jenny-fahrrr! I am going to send you to pain clinic!! Help ze headaches! Help ze back problems!! Help ze fucked-up brain!!”
You CAMEL-DRIVING MOTHERFUCKER.
YEAH. I SAID IT.
Not only do you have me on enough drugs to choke COURTNEY LOVE, but now you refer me to somebody else who wants to put me on MORE fucking drugs, and also stick needles into my neck.
Jen! Have some Vicodin! Have some more pain pills! Pain patches! Physical therapy! Pain shots! Steroids! Muscle relaxers! Forget your own name! Hang out with Keith Richards! Shoot some smack! Do an eight-ball! Smoke some crack! Crack and peanut butter sandwiches! YEAH!!!!!
FUCK.
You’d think all these drugs would be FUN!
GUESS WHAT. THEY’RE NOT.
If the brain disease doesn’t kill me, your fucking drugs will, and you can bite my ass. Take your ninety-five degrees and don’t let the door hit you where the good Lord split you, you condescending, patronizing, dicksmack. Thank you for killing my liver. It gives me an excuse to drink more, because the thing’s going to be fucked anyway.
GAH.
Number Four: The next person who tells me how fucking great it is to not have to work can seriously go roaring straight to hell on an express train full of slobbering Rush fans.
“OMG I WISH I DIDN’T HAVE TO WORK! IT MUST BE NICE TO NEVER HAVE TO DRIVE!!”
Oh, yeah. It’s a motherfucking slice of heaven being twelve again. I can’t fucking get enough of it. Not only is being broke just fucking FAAABULOUS, but having to beg for rides like a sorry little bitch really puts that peppy little spin on my day.
Why don’t you let me poke your eyes until YOU can’t see shit and we can find out how much YOU fucking enjoy it, you clueless, idiotic crapweasel. Let’s kick you in your thick fucking head until you contract Fuckbrain and see how it sits with you. Fuck you in the ear.
Why do people say shit like this? Are they really that fucking stupid? Can anyone really be that fucking stupid??
GOD.
I think I need to go back to bed.
mish wrote on 06/14/06 at 2:21 pm :
not that he isnt an asshole, but mijo means son, not a name. i was mija in my family until i game them my found dog… now she is la mija or la nina. anyway, i think she is planning a move on my inheritance.
Chubby Grannies Chubby Blonde Mature Chubby Mature Thumbs wrote on 12/20/07 at 7:53 am :
Chubby Grannies Chubby Blonde Mature Chubby Mature Thumbs…
I can not agree with you in 100% regarding some thoughts, but you got good point of view…