God Save the Drag Queens.
May 15th, 2006 by Kevin
I have a long history of great relations with drag queens.
In my youth this used to freak me out, as if perhaps my tremendous height and particularly deep voice caused me to be mistaken for one of the gang, but I have since grown to realize that it’s just me, doing what I do, which is attracting different folks from all walks of life for reasons unknown.
One of my favorite drag queen moments was several years ago at Neo, which is a sort of goth-y club on the north side. I was admiring what appeared to be one of the most stunning, amazingly gorgeous women I have ever seen. She had a chic, black bob; an incredibly svelte figure that most women would have eaten ground glass for, and some truly drool-worthy thigh-high patent leather black boots with large platforms. In a word = smoking.
I am six three in heels. This woman was about six seven. This alone was quite a clue, but while I stood at the bar waiting for my glass of wine, she stalked up to me and whispered in a deep, bass voice, “I absolutely adore your eye shadow. Is it MAC?”
I looked down at her feet and saw that they were at least double the length of mine. The feet are always a dead giveaway. She was a he! And he was the most beautiful she!
And thus, a friendship was born. We spent the evening discussing the merits of MAC and Chanel and other overpriced cosmetics, and I can’t remember when I’ve had more fun dishing about beauty products. She knew her stuff, this gorgeous mystery lady. We exchanged e-mail addresses and made a date to go shopping.
I have serious respect for a really talented drag queen. Many of them look far more chic than most women, and a lot of effort is involved. Not so much for those who go half-assed and simply throw on a wig or a skirt and go for the laugh or the campy look.
As far as I’m concerned, if you’re going to do it, do it right.
I used to always see the same guy out at the club who looked completely butch from the waist up and completely femme from the waist down. I found this utterly confusing. Is this your way of saying you’re bisexual? Pick a look and stick with it, buster! Your henley shirt does absolutely nothing for your tulle ballet skirt and satin toe shoes.
At another club, I used to see a man resembling a pro football player who would frequently arrive wearing a puffy blond wig and what looked like a housedress. The effect was somewhat startling. I hesitated to think of him as a drag queen because the term seemed somewhat inappropriate in his case. He seemed to be more of a drag auntie.
My all-time favorite drag queen was the Ass-Grabbing Dave Grohl drag queen.
If you’re not familiar with Dave Grohl, he was a member of Nirvana who went on to start his own band called the Foo Fighters. While I would not say that Dave is a bad-looking sort, I would say that he is most likely not the type of look for which the average drag queen aspires.
Liza? Maybe. Cher? Certainly. Dave Grohl? Not so much.
I was at a gay bar in the southwest suburbs with my friend Joe, who is a queen minus the drag. Joe and I are karaoke maniacs as well as gay bar aficionados, and we’re always looking for a place where he can sing some bad Cher (way to live out the bad stereotype, Joe) and I can sing some bad Rolling Stones.
We brought a few friends, including Joe’s sister, and started to shoot a game of pool while the DJ set up his equipment. In a few minutes, we came to find out that the bar was playing mostly country and western music.
I’m not a huge fan of country music, but Joe was eager to get his Reba McEntire on, and his sister was already plotting to sing every Shania Twain song ever written. I hung back a bit at first, but within an hour the tequila was flowing and all of us were twanging our little hearts out like idiots.
I had just hopped off of the stage after singing “Your Lyin’, Cheatin’ Heart” when suddenly in front of my face appeared an extremely drunken spectacle.
“GIRL!! Oh my God, I wish I had your ASS!!”
Lo and behold, there was the strangest drag queen I had ever seen.
She looked very much like Dave Grohl of Foo Fighters fame, only with a massive amount of eye liner and mascara, teal eyeshadow, and fuschia lipstick that was so loud it made my head begin to pound.
She was skinnier than Nicole Richie and wore a tight white dress, white stiletto heels, and a brown curly wig; and I must confess that I was in the position of not knowing whether to shit or go sailing.
“Um, thank you! But I have to tell you, I’d rather have your ass. I have a ghetto booty.”
“Oh, PLEASE, honey. I have NO ass. Come here.”
She hauled me into the bathroom, pulled up her dress, and pulled out an ass pad.
Yes, an ass pad. A big foam-rubber pad, shaped like an ass. Right there. In my hands.
It really frosts my cooke to know that there are people with asses so small that there is an actual market for ass pads.
Life is not fair.
Anyway, she grabbed my hands and placed them on her ass. It was true, she had no ass to speak of. She was assless.
“Wow, you really do have no ass. But this ass pad this is really neat. Where does one buy an ass pad?”
“I got it out of a catalogue. Now you” and here she grabbed my ass forcefully with both hands “you have an ass.”
I could not argue with that. I certainly do have an ass. It is sixty-seven percent Ben and Jerrys, my ass. If you squeeze it hard enough, a little cream will leak out the sides.
“You have really nice tits, too. Are they real?”
She squeezed my breasts as if she was milking a cow.
I had not been groped so much since my sophomore year of high school. Thank God I was relatively drunk.
Since Dave Grohl-etta and I were becoming quite close I thought that I could also get away with some full disclosure, so I went for it.
“Can I tell you something while we’re in here?”
“Girl, you can tell me anything. Go ahead.”
“I have some lipstick that would look way, way better on you.”
“You think??”
“Honey, I know it.”
And even though it was painful, I took my pretty, pretty Aveda brownish-red lipstick out of my bag and handed it over, because I know that when someone needs something far more than I need it that I should do the right thing and give it away. So I did.
It made a world of difference.
After that, we left the bathroom and she taught me how to line dance on the karaoke stage.
Believe me when I tell you that you have not properly rocked out until you have rocked out with an assless, Dave-Grohl-looking drag queen on a four-by-four wooden karaoke stage at a tiny little country gay bar in the Chicago suburbs.
If youre ever in the position to do so, I highly recommend it.
Long live the queens.
Ivan wrote on 11/29/07 at 8:11 am :
Hi, my name is disman-kl, i like your site and i ll be back
ben foster gay wrote on 12/16/07 at 4:47 am :
ben foster gay…
Thanks for the nice read, keep up the interesting posts…..
women porn wrote on 12/16/07 at 2:50 pm :
free porn movie clip byeyumii
best porn sites wrote on 12/16/07 at 2:50 pm :
black porn byeyumii
Big Tits Asian Boobs Lactating Tits wrote on 12/17/07 at 9:22 pm :
Big Tits Asian Boobs Lactating Tits…
I can not agree with you in 100% regarding some thoughts, but you got good point of view…
Phentermine. wrote on 12/18/07 at 1:20 pm :
Buy phentermine….
Phentermine 37 5mg. Discount phentermine. Cheap phentermine. Phentermine. Phentermine weight loss pill. Phentermine yellow. Phentermine online pharmacy. Buy phentermine on line….
Ass Fine Ass Teach My Ass wrote on 12/18/07 at 6:25 pm :
Ass Fine Ass Teach My Ass…
I can not agree with you in 100% regarding some thoughts, but you got good point of view…
Keflex. wrote on 12/19/07 at 4:53 am :
What is keflex used for….
Keflex….
Mini ephedrine. wrote on 12/20/07 at 6:29 am :
Ephedrine abuse….
Ephedrine. Ephedrine dangers. Buy ephedrine. Ephedrine liquid gels….
Free Granny Porn Hot Milf Hot Milf wrote on 12/22/07 at 4:06 am :
Free Granny Porn Hot Milf Hot Milf…
I can not agree with you in 100% regarding some thoughts, but you got good point of view…
Ass Thick Ass Babes Kick Ass wrote on 12/23/07 at 7:54 pm :
Ass Thick Ass Babes Kick Ass…
I can not agree with you in 100% regarding some thoughts, but you got good point of view…
What is the difference between xanax and lorazepam. wrote on 12/24/07 at 8:41 am :
Lorazepam side effects….
Lorazepam. Lorazepam order online consultation….
Gay Sex Gay Teen Gay Men Having Sex wrote on 12/27/07 at 4:09 am :
Gay Sex Gay Teen Gay Men Having Sex…
I can not agree with you in 100% regarding some thoughts, but you got good point of view…
mexican pharmacy wrote on 12/27/07 at 9:20 am :
Wow…. I am shocked with it. Its a … really great.
Free Granny Porn Lesbian Milfs Free Mom And Son Sex wrote on 12/29/07 at 12:41 pm :
Free Granny Porn Lesbian Milfs Free Mom And Son Sex…
I can not agree with you in 100% regarding some thoughts, but you got good point of view…
Cheap phentermine cod. wrote on 12/31/07 at 5:18 am :
Phentermine cheap….
Phentermine cheap….
Cheap phentermine online. wrote on 12/31/07 at 7:01 pm :
Order phentermine online….
Phentermine online. Phentermine forum online discount pharmacy service….
Boobs Monster Tits Big Tits Round Asses wrote on 01/3/08 at 4:57 am :
Boobs Monster Tits Big Tits Round Asses…
I can not agree with you in 100% regarding some thoughts, but you got good point of view…
Buy phentermine cod. wrote on 01/3/08 at 8:53 am :
Mg buy phentermine….
Buy phentermine. Buy c heap phentermine online. Mg buy phentermine. Buy cheap phentermine onli ne. Buy phentermine in the uk. Buy phentermine on line. Buy cheap phentermine. Buy phentermine diet pill….
Boobs Unreal Boobs Boobies wrote on 01/5/08 at 8:37 pm :
Boobs Unreal Boobs Boobies…
I can not agree with you in 100% regarding some thoughts, but you got good point of view…
Big Tits Soft Tits Hot Tits wrote on 01/6/08 at 8:23 am :
Big Tits Soft Tits Hot Tits…
I can not agree with you in 100% regarding some thoughts, but you got good point of view…
Phentermine adipex. wrote on 01/9/08 at 6:16 pm :
Phentermine….
Phentermine diet pills. Phentermine. Phentermine no prescription. Cheap phentermine online. Online phentermine. Cheap phentermine diet pill….
Order phentermine phentermine online. wrote on 01/10/08 at 2:03 am :
Online phentermine cod….
Phentermine online. Lowest online phentermine price. Buy cheap online phentermine. Buy phentermine online. Order phentermine online. Cheapest phentermine online. Fedex saturday online phentermine. Online phentermine. Order phentermine phentermine onlin…
Phentemine. wrote on 01/10/08 at 11:50 am :
Phentemine….
Discount phentemine. Phentemine….
Free Granny Porn Milf Camps Friend's Hot Mom wrote on 01/11/08 at 4:29 am :
Free Granny Porn Milf Camps Friend’s Hot Mom…
I can not agree with you in 100% regarding some thoughts, but you got good point of view…
Asian Asian Schoolgirl Asian Porn Stars wrote on 01/11/08 at 6:24 am :
Asian Asian Schoolgirl Asian Porn Stars…
I can not agree with you in 100% regarding some thoughts, but you got good point of view…
Milf Milf Blowjobs Free Milf wrote on 01/11/08 at 10:15 am :
Milf Milf Blowjobs Free Milf…
I can not agree with you in 100% regarding some thoughts, but you got good point of view…
Milf Milf Anal Milf Gangbang wrote on 01/11/08 at 7:17 pm :
Milf Milf Anal Milf Gangbang…
I can not agree with you in 100% regarding some thoughts, but you got good point of view…
Buy phentermine diet pill. wrote on 01/11/08 at 8:32 pm :
Phentermine success story….
Pal pay phentermine….
Buy phentermine on line. wrote on 01/13/08 at 12:42 am :
Purchase phentermine….
Discount phentermine. Phentermine diet pills. Phentermine. Buy phentermine online. Get phentermine. Cheap phentermine online….
Milf Milf Ass Lesbian Milf wrote on 01/14/08 at 6:22 am :
Milf Milf Ass Lesbian Milf…
I can not agree with you in 100% regarding some thoughts, but you got good point of view…
Tramadol. wrote on 01/14/08 at 9:49 am :
Tramadol….
Tramadol hydrochloride. Buy tramadol. Tramadol for dogs side effects. Hydrocodone vs tramadol. Tramadol. Cheapest tramadol….
Boobs Giant Tits Gigantic Boobs wrote on 01/14/08 at 8:30 pm :
Boobs Giant Tits Gigantic Boobs…
I can not agree with you in 100% regarding some thoughts, but you got good point of view…
Buy tramadol. wrote on 01/15/08 at 4:46 am :
Buy tramadol….
Buy tramadol. Buy cheap tramadol mg tablets only in us online….
Cheap 37 5 phentermine. wrote on 01/15/08 at 10:43 pm :
Phentermine 37 5mg….
Phentermine 37.5….
Asian Asian Whores Asian Shemale wrote on 01/16/08 at 5:41 am :
Asian Asian Whores Asian Shemale…
I can not agree with you in 100% regarding some thoughts, but you got good point of view…
Online phentermine. wrote on 01/16/08 at 7:07 pm :
Online phentermine….
Phentermine online. Phentermine online purchase. Buy phentermine online. Purchasing discount phentermine online. Cheapest phentermine online. Online phentermine. Order phentermine phentermine online….
DAVIS wrote on 01/16/08 at 10:37 pm :
DAVIS…
Interesting stuff. I had weird experience with dating services recently….
cwj wrote on 04/24/08 at 1:54 pm :
wait, your bottom is mid-20th working class Jewish?
oohhhhh……