All We Need Is Just A Little Patience.
May 31st, 2006 by Kevin
I am not a patient person.
Well, most of the time I am not patient.
I am patient enough to let water boil so that I can make a cup of tea. I am patient enough to sit for twenty minutes so that my son can tie his own shoes (mother patience, although trying, is necessary). I am sometimes even patient enough to talk to my mother on the phone for three whole minutes.
However, most of the time, I want what I want when I want it, and I want it right now. Why? Because if I don’t have to wait for it, why the hell should I??
I can understand waiting for Christmas gifts, because that’s what you do. (Even though I might “just happen” to “come across” a few of mine that maybe weren’t hidden quite so well.) I can understand waiting to have sex with someone I’m dating, because that’s what you do. (Even though it is HARD and POINTLESS and A STUPID, ARCHAIC RULE.)
What I can’t hack are things like slow internet connections. God! I can feel my hair growing while MySpace is loading! Jesus! Could it take any longer?? I can feel my menstrual cycle taking place!!
I also hate waiting for phone calls. My friend Basia has dial-up internet. (See above.) So there I am, waiting for her to call me to solidify the evening’s plans. No call. I call her, and I get a busy signal, because she’s on the damn internet.
BITCH, GET OFF THE INTERNET AND CALL ME!! AAAA!!
Drives me nuts.
Late people also make me crazy. I am one of those people that is always fifteen minutes early. Always. I cannot be late for anything, ever, or a tiny vein in my forehead will explode. Some people call this anal, I call it fucking considerate.
My son, God bless him, is the slowest, latest, I’m-taking-my-sweet-damn-time-and-screw-you person on the face of this earth. He moves slower than mud running up a hill. If you ask him to get dressed at nine, he might have a sock on by nine-thirty. Then again, he might have found something interesting to check out on the news. He likes to watch the news.
He’s not a jerk, he just moves that way. He’s a happy guy. He takes his time. He doesn’t see the need to rush anything. He ambles along at a snail’s pace, perfectly content to watch the rest of the world race by.
This is why I don’t have any fingernails, people.
What I am is polite, usually to a fault, so most of the time I will bite my tongue in half rather than express my displeasure at someone’s lateness or slow behavior.
This is why I will one day have a big fat bleeding ulcer.
I got the blow-off recently after a date. What I minded even more than the blow-off was the fact that I was waiting for the phone call. Damn! I think there should be a phone call to warn you that there will be no phone call, just to save you the wait for the phone call! (That is, if you are like me and apparently are not a good judge of whether or not there will be a phone call.)
Screw waiting for the phone call! Next time I am making the phone call.
Currently I am trying to learn two different computer programs to use for web publishing. Now, I am no stranger to this type of stuff. I’m rather computer literate. I didn’t just fall off of the turnip truck. Yet for some reason, I have become a total fucktard and cannot figure out what I’m doing to save my life.
It is driving me completely cuckoo-pants, batshit crazy.
I am ready to jam my face through my monitor.
So, instead of calmly and patiently going through tutorials like I should be doing, I’m writing a blog in order to de-stress.
And I’m chain-smoking.
It’s not working yet, but here’s hoping.
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