Get Yo’ Kid Out The House Day.
June 27th, 2006 by Kevin
Since the poor J-Man has largely been stuck in the house with my sick ass; today I am taking him out, along with my neighbor, who is of course driving, and my neighbor’s kid, who is seven.
And where are we going on this fun-filled day, you ask?
We are going to a McDonald’s with a PlayLand, home of the heroin-needle-infested ball pit and the child-slobber-covered plastic tubes - home of the ghettofabulous children that swear and run wild and stick fries in every possible orifice and make me wish that I could give most women in the greater Chicagoland area the birth control shot simply by using the power of my mind.
As you can tell, I’m fucking excited!!
After I have squeeged the ketchup off of my child and made makeshift splints for any broken limbs using sporks and straw wrappers, we are going to see Cars, a fine Disney film, at a theater which will be packed full of children, children who will be throwing popcorn, greasy-assed movie theater popcorn that will stick in my hair, yellow greasy popcorn that will be covering the floor, soggy greasy popcorn that people’s toddlers will no doubt be eating off of the floor because people don’t give half a damn what their freaking children do.
There will also be sticky little punkass children kicking my seat, kicking me right in the middle of my goddamned sore back even though I glare at them, probably kicking me even if I turn around and say, “Could you please not kick me?”, because their parents will be pretending to look at the ceiling, because God forbid you discipline your heathen-assed child in public.
And I will want to take those parents by the hair and swing them around and fling them right into the wall and then stomp them until they are unconscious. And I will want to kick those mannerless little children’s asses and scream, “HOW DOES THAT FEEL, YA LITTLE ADHD PUNKASS BITCHES?? DON’T… KICK… SEATS!!!”
I won’t, though. I will sit there and watch cars and smile my motherfucking fool ass off.
Oh yeah, I am in a mood for this.
Bring it.
Jennie wrote on 06/27/06 at 1:04 pm :
I took mine to see Cars last night. 2 words for you “free bird”
menoblog wrote on 06/27/06 at 3:37 pm :
Guess you weren’t really done seething after all.
I can’t go to the movies anymore because the last time i went i actually threw a wadded up napkin at the people behind me because they would NOT shut up. My husband was appalled at me, and so was i a bit. But it worked, they did shut up, and they skedaddled out of the theater after the movie.
But next time they might be packin’.
LA wrote on 06/27/06 at 7:40 pm :
Oh man! If only we could! You know I’ve run into little stinkers who are impervious to MY mom glare? I make state troopers cry and some little shit of a 6 year old laughs and flips me the bird? Oh baby, that kid is begging for it. Some day, Jen. Some day. ~LA
jaoi wrote on 06/27/06 at 10:42 pm :
dude… mcdonalds’ has SPORKS?! i would so go there if i could mosey out with a clandestine handful of sporks to show for it.
if not, then bleh.
Chuys Rose wrote on 06/28/06 at 1:03 pm :
where did you go to high school?
review of cars??
[IMG]http://i75.photobucket.com/albums/i287/roseychuy/th4c541f5b.gif[/IMG]
I thought of you when I saw this
Pischina wrote on 06/28/06 at 3:11 pm :
Oh man I have beaten my kids for barely tapping the seat in front of them. And I will make a scene in a theatre if my own seat is getting thumped. Come on, you can do it. You can also go get the theater manager and have them escort the child out of the theater - the embarrassment on parents’ faces is PRICELESS.
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