Why, Hello.

July 11th, 2006 by Kevin

I’ve noticed a dramatic decrease in traffic since I have moved. Do many of you not like the new format? Do I smell? Is there something you’d like to see here that you’re not seeing? Have I started to write schlock?

I can add things like a chatbox, a subscriber list that will send out e-mail when I’ve posted, what have you. Would you be interested in any of those things?

Drop me a line and let me know. I’m curious, since the old site zips right over to this one, why so many people have decided to flip me the virtual bird.
Also, I have buttons, banners, etc., for your site, if you’d like to link to me.

I STILL LOVE YOU, DEAR FRIENDS.

DON’T LEAVE ME.

DON’T LEAVE ME OR I WILL GO ALL JOHN CUSACK AND COME OVER TO YOUR HOUSE AND STAND OUTSIDE YOUR WINDOW AND HOLD UP MY JAMBOX WHILE PLAYING PETER GABRIEL AT TOP VOLUME.

AND YOU WILL COME BACK TO ME. OH YES, YOU WILL COME BACK TO ME.


In other news, Paris Hilton has decided that she wants to have children soon.

I weep for the future.

Seriously, though, can’t you just imagine little Suri Cruise and Preston Federline-Spears or whatever the fuck and Apple Paltrow/Martin and the Hilton spawn all sitting around a lunch table at Hollywood Junior High with their twenty-thousand dollar backpacks, plotting to blow up the school with a Molotov cocktail?
I’m so going to watch that on E! when it happens. And as I rock in my chair with my nine cats, I’m going to say that I predicted it first.


The child across the street who I love dearly and secretly wish to adopt has one fatal flaw: He loves to climb up into the J-Man’s loft bed and then he cannot get down.

The kid is seven. He is not small. In fact, he is rather… rotund. I am not sure why he cannot get down. Still, he cannot. He will not. He refuses to try. He looks at me with huge, solemn brown eyes and says, “Can you get me down?”

My head says, “You really should make him do it himself. Encourage independence. This is ridiculous.”

My back says, “You out yo’ damn, fuckin’ mind. That little mu’fucker weighs at least ninety pounds. Don’t you DARE. I will break in half.

My heart says, “Awww. he’s scared. Get him down.”

So I get him down.

“You a damn stupid fool who don’t ever learn shit, you know that?”

My back is quite rude at times.

OH MY GOD.

The J-Man is no tiny little wisp of a thing, but lifting this kid felt like I was lifting a piano. With a baseball team on it. And also some weights. And maybe Andre the Giant. Plus my car.

“Thank you!” he beamed.

“No…problem…” I squeaked, hobbling out of the room.
“Mommy, are you OK?” The J-Man is no dummy.

“Sure…fine…just need…aspirin or something…”

Yeah. Or maybe morphine.

I have decided that I want a masseuse. I want a live-in masseuse. I want him to speak no English, because I don’t really want my reading interrupted; I want him to be tall and strong and devastatingly handsome (might as well have some eye candy), and I want him to be at my beck and back. Or my back and call. Something like that.
In return he gets room and board and meals and a work visa.

I think this is a pretty damned good deal, don’t you?

I can just lie on my bed at night while Hans or Yuri or Antonio or whoever the fuck pours rosemary mint massage oil on my aching spine and rubs all my worries away. Aaaahhhhh.

I have so many pipe dreams that I should be a fucking plumber by this point in my life.


The UPS guy came today to drop off a package (I get so excited and start panting like a puppy every time I see the truck - a package!! A package!! Is it for me??? A package!!) and as he handed it to me, he stopped stock still and stared, looking horrified.

“Excuse me?” I said, wondering what the hell his problem was. I wanted to get to my package.

“Your-your cat… I think it’s…”

“Oh GOD, she’s not dead. She just does that.”

“Oh!! OK. Well, bye!”

To be fair, her eyes were closed and she did look pretty dead.

I should have said “Yes, can I UPS her remains to my ex-husband?” just for kicks.

I’ll bet he gets that a lot, though.

Happy Tuesday.

165 Responses to “Why, Hello.”

  1. pj wrote on 07/11/06 at 3:09 pm :

    okay, well, since you asked…. I’m not crazy about the new layout, but it works better for my computer than the other one. The other one, as I mentioned to you once, did NOT like my computer. They whined at each other.

    BUT! I’m still here, and I still adore you, and yes you smell lovely, even without the rosemary mint massage oil.

    smooch!

  2. Pam wrote on 07/11/06 at 3:19 pm :

    I read you now through rss, so I don’t know if you still get the traffic from me or not.

    However I read you a lot more now - it was hard trying to remember to check diaryland all the time :)

  3. Mike wrote on 07/11/06 at 3:24 pm :

    Actually, I think I look at your site more. I don’t know if there’s one thing I can attribute to it…probably not. I probably wouldn’t sign up for an email reminder whenever you post, because I’ll come and visit eventually. It could also be traffic that was going to your old site from search engines and the like haven’t been re-routed yet. I’m sure they will in time.

    I’m intrigued by what you write about here. That’s what keeps me coming back.

  4. Erica wrote on 07/11/06 at 4:07 pm :

    I’m still here.

  5. Jenn wrote on 07/11/06 at 4:20 pm :

    I am ehre too although you have not responded to my comments or messages about a drink — I am in town tomorrow night and Thursday night.

    Also, I think (and what I’ve heard) is that people don’t think of you as TranceJen anymore here. You are blog 50 (read: sellout). Now, I don’t know why since you still update your dl and it redirects and all.

    When I switched I dropped by like 200 a day. Now I am up 400. Give it some time! People just hate change (and like to bitch).

  6. Jersey Nick wrote on 07/11/06 at 4:43 pm :

    RSS too, schnookums. JN hearts TJ.

  7. menoblog wrote on 07/11/06 at 5:29 pm :

    I followed you from the other site. The new format is fine. The old format was fine. It’s all about the words. Which i like.

    And really, i hardly notice the smell anymore!

    Jenn: neophyte needs translation. What is blog 50? And why is it a sellout. Just curious.

  8. thatgrrrl wrote on 07/11/06 at 5:43 pm :

    I’m still here, I just added your RSS feed to my personal Google homepage, and sometimes, I’ll click through via the diaryland anyway, just out of habit. ;)

  9. ari wrote on 07/11/06 at 6:43 pm :

    I’m glad that I’m not the only one with a weird cat;

    http://members.cox.net/coyotestar/Jazz.JPG

    BTW, I dig the new layout/location/etc. I have no issue with it, as I’m still here.

  10. dola wrote on 07/11/06 at 8:34 pm :

    Still here (reading through RSS mostly), still lovin me some Trance. Though, feel free to come visit with your boombox and Peter Gabriel, that’d be cool.

  11. dola wrote on 07/11/06 at 8:36 pm :

    Still here (mostly reading with RSS), still loving me some Trance. Though, feel free to come visit with your boombox and Peter Gabriel, that would be cool.

  12. Jenn wrote on 07/11/06 at 8:38 pm :

    meno — when her DL site redirects, it redirects to pointlessbanter.net/blog50 as opposed to trancejen.pointlessbanter.com. THat’s all I meant. Hey, I am here. And I read. EVERYDAY

    LOL

  13. Trish wrote on 07/11/06 at 9:09 pm :

    The new site is hard on my dial-up, but… that’s my problem.

  14. lisa-marie wrote on 07/11/06 at 9:12 pm :

    I’m still here and I still love you! I pop in once (or sometimes twice) a day to see if you’ve updated.

  15. dola wrote on 07/11/06 at 9:28 pm :

    oops, sorry about that double comment… the first didn’t appear to take…

  16. zen wrote on 07/12/06 at 12:30 am :

    i’m still here! i’ve been reading for years now and will follow wherever you go! ….. trancejen fan!

  17. maddy wrote on 07/12/06 at 3:02 am :

    Um… Well, I’m still reading, but I liked the diaryland site better, because I like diary archives better than scrolling down to see what I’ve missed, then having to scroll back up to go to the next entry. I just like the diary format better than a blog format. *shrug* personal preference

    It might be a little more difficult for me to follow than for someone who reads on a ‘puter because I do most of my diary/journal/blog reading on my phone, a tmobile sidekick II.

  18. maddy again wrote on 07/12/06 at 3:07 am :

    Not sure how clear that was. What I meant was, let’s say you updated twice since I last visited. I have to scroll down to the beginning of the 1st post I missed. Then I read down to the bottom of it. Then, in order to get to the most current post, I have to scrollscrollscroll back up, past everything I just read, then scroll past everything I haven’t yet read, just to read down through it.

    That’s a lotta scrolling!

    And this has been a lot of ‘all thumbs, all the time’ typing, so I’ll shut up now, ‘cept to send a shout out to thatgrrl, who I still read ond’land, but the mo’ fo’ sidekick does something all strange to end her posts in the middle, whick frustrates the bejeezus out of me!

  19. thatgrrrl wrote on 07/12/06 at 8:15 am :

    And shout-out back to Maddy, because WTF happened to you, woman?? I haven’t heard from you for-freakin’-EVER!!! Send me your email address at thatgrrrl at diaryland dot com. Do it NOW. :)

  20. Cruel-Irony wrote on 07/12/06 at 10:42 am :

    No matter where you go, I’ll follow. Hmmm… that sounds pretty stalkerish. Well, you know what I mean. Love ya, Girl.

  21. Emily wrote on 07/12/06 at 12:07 pm :

    Well I bookmarked you but I read other diaries at d-land and you still light up about half the time over there. Maybe that’s why? Maybe people just wait for you to update at d-land? I wish I knew how to do that, the re direct code or whatever.

  22. whyme63 wrote on 07/12/06 at 12:42 pm :

    It’s not you–it’s me.

    Sounds hackneyed, I know. But work and personal life issues have me so busy I barely have time for my own diary anymore. I pop in when I can, though.

  23. Karl Elvis wrote on 07/12/06 at 12:46 pm :

    I think you need to get pings turned on, you never show as updated in my blogroll. But also, you know, you change your url, it takes a while for the robots to find you.

    Soon they’ll be back.

  24. Moxie wrote on 07/12/06 at 2:43 pm :

    I liked your old font. It was a funnier font.

    Ok. I will be quiet now.

  25. trancejen wrote on 07/12/06 at 3:22 pm :

    A funnier font????? LOL

    I forgot what it was.

    Jenn, I e-maileded you.

    Karl and Amy, I love you more than my wireless keyboard.

    I wouldn’t know how to turn on a ping if it ponged me.

    And all of the rest of you are rad.

    I wish I could have a big party.

  26. pj wrote on 07/12/06 at 3:28 pm :

    YOU HEARD HER: PARTY AT JEN’S!! WHOOHOO!!

  27. Nightowl wrote on 07/12/06 at 5:40 pm :

    I have to agree with Maddy on the whole scroll up and down thing, that’s a right pain in the arse. But still with you. Oh were ALL still with you.

  28. Carrie wrote on 07/12/06 at 6:12 pm :

    I still read and I still have you linked. The smell is definitely heavenly compared to what DH produces regularly from various parts of his body so I’m all good there.

    The drop could be attributed to whatever you are using to report on your traffic. If it’s only looking for hits to pointlessbanter.net/blog50 and you have traffic reading you at trancejen.pointlessbanter.com, it might not get the trancejen.pointlessbanter.com stuff as that is a different domain in traffic terms. Just depends.. dunno what you are using.

  29. Loob wrote on 07/12/06 at 11:14 pm :

    I really like the new site, it’s pretty.
    So I’m reading like always, and enjoying your stories and wit.
    I’m probably quieter than usual because of some vicious lying bullies on the net, but I still read and think you’re great.

  30. Loob wrote on 07/13/06 at 1:01 am :

    I really like the new site, it’s pretty.
    So I’m reading like always, and enjoying your stories and wit.
    I’m probably quieter than usual because of some vicious lying bullies on the net, but I still read and think you’re great.
    Although I appear to be blocked out right now, from comments.

  31. Jen the ex-Radiator Lady wrote on 07/14/06 at 4:59 pm :

    I agree with those people who talked about not liking to scroll to find the last entry you read, etc. Pain.

  32. cianne wrote on 07/14/06 at 9:37 pm :

    i’m here now. i have been in internet limbo for a while, since my hard drive decided to have itself a little temper tantrum, but i enjoy your Damn Cat stories too much to abandon you.

  33. warcrygirl wrote on 07/16/06 at 4:02 pm :

    Okay so this is a little late. I’ve been missing your recent posts because I haven’t been notified of them…or I’ve overlooked your name lit up in red over at Dland. I really must subscribe, then.

  34. trancejen wrote on 08/5/06 at 8:16 pm :

    testing.

  35. trancejen wrote on 08/5/06 at 8:19 pm :

    testing again.

  36. trancejen wrote on 08/5/06 at 8:22 pm :

    testing yet freaking again.

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