Oh My Golly.
July 31st, 2006 by Kevin
INTARWEB!!!
I have missed you so!!!
How much, you shall never know. Since I usually spend about 3/4 of my life glued to the computer box as if it were attached to an IV full of Miller Lite, it has been most painful to be without its enticing glow.
My son has been an absolute darling, swabbing my forehead with cold washrags (the mystical healing properties of the cold washrag never cease) as I lay shaking and sweating and babbling and clutching the cordless mouse to my chest, and let me tell you that going through internet withdrawal is no better than coming off of the smack.
I have that on good authority from my friend Keith Richards who now has a Blogger.com account and can hardly bear to go on tour.
I am well, though - feeling much better thanks to some steroid injections, a whole big lot of Oxycontin (which I have promptly discontinued so as to avoid turning into Rush Limbaugh, who I wish would burn up in a big fiery fatball whilst hog-tied to that bitchshrew Ann Coulter), and although I managed to fall AGAIN and retain quite the shiner, it has healed, my head does not hurt so much, and I am very happy.
See? Happeeee!
“I lost twelve pounds on the Bust Yo’ Head Diet”, says Jen!
I actually really did.
I probably have a whole crapload of email, which I will try to get to today. I also have a whole crapload of crap, because one of the unfortunate side effects of Oxycontin is that you do not crap, at all, ever. You do not even think about crapping. Crapping is not an option. Oh, you wanted to crap this week, perhaps? Not going to happen. Next week? Highly doubtful. Your crap wants to stay right where it is. Your crap and you have become one.
I am fervently praying that I will crap this week, but I am not very hopeful. Therefore I ask that all of you pray to Jesus or Buddha or Yahweh or Bob or whoever gets your spiritual motor running to spur my poor rusty innards into action before I explode in a big unholy mess.
Thank you ever so much.
Anyway, I am happy to be back, I will be posting regularly (oh the word regular and all that it implies, and how it hurts me so), and the J-Man reports that he passed his swimming class and is therefore a Professional Swimmer.
Happy Monday.
warcrygirl wrote on 07/31/06 at 10:41 am :
Shall I make reference to the ‘train’ again? Maybe I could make you laugh yourself shitless. HA! Okay, I’m going now….
Going…HA! The lameness, it never ends.
Red wrote on 07/31/06 at 11:18 am :
I was worrying about you there. I am soooo glad you are back. I was going through Trance withdrawl. Not a good thing! I feel much better now!
lisa-marie wrote on 07/31/06 at 11:30 am :
I’m glad you’re feeling better, Jen!
mish wrote on 07/31/06 at 12:39 pm :
yay! youre back again and feeling better! good luck w/ that poopie thing. i busted my knee once and was on vicodin (and a HUGE leg brace) and went to get a pap. After she stuck her lovely finger up my lovely ass, and was like whats that - theres something hard there - EEW, its shit.
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trancejen wrote on 07/31/06 at 1:13 pm :
oh my God, Mish.
That was fucking gross.
LMAO!!!
These are the stories I love.
trancejen wrote on 07/31/06 at 2:35 pm :
So what’s up, what’s the dirt, what’s happening??
WHAT HAVE I MISSED?
LAY IT ON ME, PEOPLE.
Cruel-Irony wrote on 07/31/06 at 2:43 pm :
Hey Girl! Happy to hear that you’re feeling better. That oxycotin thing? Certainly explains why Limbaugh is always full of shit.
LA wrote on 07/31/06 at 3:13 pm :
Whoo! I’ve missed you. What’s doing with me, besides the broken a/c during a heat wave and the fire in Wolf’s room this morning? Nothing much. Same old, same old.
If you’re serious about pooping, light your house on fire. I swear to you the crap will come FLYING out your ass. I found out the truth of this this morning. My colon hasn’t been this clean in years. Much love, ~Squirtles
Brad wrote on 07/31/06 at 3:18 pm :
oh jen, how i’ve miss your blogs so!
woot woot for getting better!
and a huge booo to your internals for being stubborn! : (
good luck with that though!
menoblog wrote on 07/31/06 at 3:34 pm :
I don’t know if it’s inappropriate to worry about someone i don’t know, but damn i was glad to see your post. (Actually i don’t care if it’s inappropriate as half of the things i say/do already are.)
According to Rush, all drug addicts should get the death penalty. Please, do us all a favor Rush!
Welcome back.
sooboo wrote on 07/31/06 at 4:14 pm :
Glad you’re feeling better. I like your summer look, pretty lady.
fin wrote on 07/31/06 at 4:35 pm :
we missed you
Cosmic wrote on 07/31/06 at 4:46 pm :
Well, it’s about time! I’m glad your back to normal. Well, ok, not normal, but more normal. I just thought for a moment. What if Trance was normal? Ewww, scarey thought. I hope you get unfecalized soon.
Lori wrote on 07/31/06 at 4:56 pm :
Yay! So glad you’re back and feeling better! Missed you terribly!
Deirdre_70 wrote on 07/31/06 at 5:36 pm :
Glad to have you back.
pj wrote on 07/31/06 at 8:37 pm :
It’s just as well that you weren’t here, because I got LASIK this week, and I couldn’t stand staring at a computer screen anyway until today. Much less did I have the time. IN any case, we are all glad you’re back to your usual obnoxious self and calling the idiots names again, as is required by the Law Of Jen.
Oooh… that would be a good post for you. What else is part of the Law of Jen, other than calling Rush and Ann Coulter by their appropriate names?????
anabell wrote on 07/31/06 at 8:38 pm :
sending pruny thoughts your way.
zen wrote on 07/31/06 at 10:02 pm :
welcome back jen! you were missed. and i so hear you on the oxycontin bind you forever thing! fiber fiber fiber! actually the only thing i found that worked was a prescription called enulose! worked miracles when i was ready to explode! your pic is gorgeous and your eyes just glow with that auburn hair color! hope you feel better!…~zen
Kelli wrote on 07/31/06 at 11:21 pm :
Jennyfeeeeeeerrrrrrrrrr! I’m so glad you’re back. I miiiiiiissed yooou!
Darlyne wrote on 08/1/06 at 12:30 am :
IT IS SO GOOD TO HAVE YOU BACK! HAVE REALLY MISSED YOU, AND WILL BE VISITING REGULARLY.
Rumblelizard wrote on 08/1/06 at 8:11 am :
Yay for Jen being back! Boo for not being able to poo. Sorry for busting such a silly rhyme in your guestbook.
Rumblelizard wrote on 08/1/06 at 1:02 pm :
Hm. I made a comment earlier, but apparently it didn’t make it through. Glad you’re back, Jen!
Rumblelizard wrote on 08/1/06 at 1:03 pm :
Whoa! Sorry for the double post!
Beth wrote on 08/1/06 at 2:51 pm :
Hey Jen - Long time reader, but I usually don’t comment. I am glad you are back as well and I have a suggestion for your problem (It is actually your own advice!) You need some sugar free candy - remember? It is the poop candy!
trancejen wrote on 08/5/06 at 8:10 pm :
Oh dude, I have been INHALING poop candy.
JohnFrangerson wrote on 02/1/07 at 12:09 pm :
Nice Post.
That was well said. Always appreciate your indepth views. Keep up the great work!
John
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