The Pain Clinic, Bringing The Pain.
August 15th, 2006 by Kevin
I was wrong, I had three appointments yesterday. After going to the damned doctor and the damned dentist and having a damned cavity filled and a chip in my tooth filed and my entired damned face numbed, I realized that oh shit, gots me a pain clinic appointment in fifteen minutes.
My seventy-two-year-old neighbor, who is Driving Miss Jenny this week, is a fucking saint.
I spent a while BSing with the pain clinic doctor, who I like. He’s a handsome, sort of nebbishy, black dude with a goofy voice who is usually joking around about something or another.
Yesterday I decided that I might not like him as much as I thought.
“Sit facing away from me.”
“‘Kay.”
“Tell me when I’m pressing down on a point that really hurts.”
“OW.”
*jams needle in*
“OW OW OW OW-”
“How about here-”
“OW!”
*jams needle in*
“OWOWOWOWOWOWOW-”
“Here’s a good one.” *jams needle in*
“AH SHIT!”“Yeah.” *jams needle in*
“OW! OW SHIT! OW OW OW OW-”“That means it’s going to work really well.” *jams needle in*
“AHHHHHH OW OW OW OW-”“And one more.” *jams needle in*
“AAAAAAAHAHAHAHA OW OW OW OW OWWWWWW…”
“And we’re done.”
Six large shots.
I went home feeling as if he had driven six railroad spikes through my neck.
I don’t know about you, but I imagine that a pain clinic should be a place where they rid you of pain - a place with nice fluffy armchairs and warm tea and maybe a good-looking masseuse or three who will gently rub exotic oils into your shoulders while some sort of crappy New Age music is playing.
Not a place in which they drive railroad spikes through your neck.
I went home and took three Vicodin and it felt like I had maybe popped a couple of baby aspirin, or perhaps taken some Flinstone vitamins, so effective were my efforts.
Pain clinic, my ass. Medieval torture clinic.
This, after hearing from the dentist that I need a mouthguard because my teeth are actually getting loose.
“You must be grinding the hell out of your teeth at night. Are you under a lot of stress?”
I just smiled.
Happy Tuesday.
warcrygirl wrote on 08/15/06 at 11:51 am :
Ummm, ouchies? Maybe the pain relief will come later. Like on Saturday.
artgnome wrote on 08/15/06 at 12:16 pm :
hah hah hah….stress? what stress?
hang in there, girl…you are my hero!
Kelli wrote on 08/15/06 at 3:38 pm :
When I was little, five I think, I loved my Flinstone vitamins so much that I would horde them. Every morning my mom would give me one and I’d hide it in the closet with the rest till I had a big pile, then I’d eat them all at once.
Vicodin sucks! Feel better Jen.
Kungfukitten wrote on 08/15/06 at 5:49 pm :
Oh my goddess. Were these epidural steroid joint injections? SIX? I’ve never heard of someone getting six at once and I read medical records all day long. Yeah, they’re suppose to make you feel better. Usually immediately and the effects will wear off over a period of time. Can you take ibuprofen? I’ve been dealing with my own pain issues and 3x vicodin + 4x ibuprofen + a partridge in a pear tree seem to help. Sometimes adding sedative can help to - if it doesn’t send you into a coma. We should totally start a band. The VicoBitches - We’ll Show you Pain! Oh, and regarding House, on nearly every single episode they mention my diagnosis (I own it, it’s mine) sarcoidosis for each case. I always squeal and bounce up and down. It’s almost like I’ve been asked to guest apper, not that they’re shouting out every rare disease on the NIH list. Was this comment sporadic enough for you?
Pointlessbanter.net » August 15th Update wrote on 08/15/06 at 7:28 pm :
[…] Not Just Your Garden Variety Neurotic Smartass The Pain Clinic, Bringing the Pain. Awwww Yeah, Bitches!!!! The Original Pointless Banter If I had my own tv network […]
Bozoette Mary wrote on 08/16/06 at 7:23 am :
YIKES! Six shots in your fucking NECK! I will never complain about my aches and pains ever again, I swear. I hope to God they help, doll.
And the mouthguard? Not so bad. I been wearing one for years. Very sexy, let me tell you.
Loob wrote on 08/21/06 at 4:48 am :
I too have a mouthguard to wear at night, because I grind my teeth in my sleep. It’s actually not bad, you forget it’s there.
And another plus is, the grinding was causing headaches, but the mouthguard has pretty much fixed that.
Anonymous wrote on 08/25/06 at 5:45 pm :
Kungfukitten said:
“We should totally start a band. The VicoBitches - We’ll Show you Pain!”
Oh, yeah! I am there wit you guys. I can’t play an instrument, but I can howl in pain and swear pretty creatively.
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