From The Vault…
September 25th, 2006 by Kevin
…A little Classic TranceJen, from 2002. Enjoy.
I seem to have quite the embarrasing gas problem.
Not to be gauche, because I know a lady doesn’t discuss bodily emissions or noises; but then very few people have ever accused me of being a lady.
I was making breakfast this morning and emitted a sound that was so resonant, loud, and long that I actually thought I was about to lose a vital organ.
My son ran into the kitchen and said, “What was that?!”
Trance: “Nothing.”
J.: (with shocked look) “Mommy, did you fart?”
Trance: “Yes, I did.”
J.: “You did?”
Trance: “Yes. Mommies sometimes fart, too.”
J.: “They do?”
Trance: “Strange but true.”
J.: “Mommy, you should say “excuse me” when you fart.”
Trance: “Excuse me.”
J.: “Wow, I can’t believe you farted.”
Trance: “Yes, I know.”
J.: “I’m going to tell Gramma about that one.” (skips off)
It may have been the very first time that he realized I was actually human.
Last week, J. was walking around singing a very catchy tune that I couldn’t quite recognize. I asked him what it was, and he said, “Oh, just a song.”
He kept singing it and singing it, and it was driving me up a damn wall. I knew that tune. Was it from Sesame Street? Was it a pop song that was on the radio?
“Just anoooother day…Nothin’ in my waaaay…”
I got my answer. Last night, the TV was on, and I heard the song from the kitchen. I ran into the living room to see what it was from, and I stopped short.
It was a commercial for herpes medication.
My son has been walking around for over a week singing the Happy Herpes Song.
I blame it on Comedy Central. Comedy Central runs commercials for STD medications every five minutes. I can tell what channel is on just by watching a block of commercials.
Lifetime? Tampax and Midol. ESPN? Gatorade and Adidas shoes. NBC? Tide and Ford. MTV? Truth anti-smoking propaganda and Trojan condoms. HGTV? Home Depot and Kohler faucets.
The Learning Channel often runs commercials for Prozac and Paxil. Does that mean that intelligent, enquiring-minded people are more likely to be depressed?
The History Channel runs a lot of commercials for Depends and Metamucil. Does that mean that people fascinated by history generally have poo problems of either variety?
It’s interesting, learning about marketing strategy through the Evil Box.
I’ve learned that Nickolodeon is basically filled with useless crap just by watching commercials. Harry Potter green slime(why any parent would buy this is beyond me - what a carpet nightmare), Sparkly Kewl Chick lipgloss for pre-pubescent glamor queens, junior karaoke machines, and other disposable items that will wind up in garage sales and landfills all over the nation. Crap.
I’d like to see a kids channel that is loaded with subliminal messages that flash on the screen every few minutes.
Don’t do drugs, or your arms will fall off.
Listen to your parents, or you’ll never grow up.
Eat your vegetables, or you will get big, hairy warts all over your face.
Commercials with thinly veiled threats disguised as catchy little ditties would be swell, too.
“Harry Potter fruit snacks are the best, you’d better damn well get an A on that test…”
“Eat Washington apples every day, put down the damn XBox, go outside and play…”
That would be great. Maybe I’ll give PBS a call.
My wonderful child is dancing around with the cat, crooning, “Did you hear Mommy fart? Boy, it was loud!”
I get no peace.
Anonymous wrote on 09/25/06 at 1:17 pm :
the classic trancejen in the best
lisa-marie wrote on 09/25/06 at 2:03 pm :
Ahh! The good ole days!! Funny stuff, Jen! Thanks for the laugh!
Jer wrote on 09/25/06 at 2:35 pm :
I have a favor to ask and I normally don’t ask anyone for favors, but I’m participating in the AIDS Walk for Atlanta, GA and was wondering if you would list the link to my donation page on your site.
It’s legitimate, not a scam and I’d be more than happy to link others blogs to mine at www.thesecrazytimes.blogspot.com.
The link to donate is here:
http://walk.aidatlanta.org/site/TR?px=1206207&pg=personal&fr_id=1070&s_tafId=3561
I’m walking because I believe that AIDS affects each and everyone of us and that the beginning to a cure is through loads of education.
I hope you’ll help.
Sincerely,
JR Estelle
ang wrote on 09/26/06 at 8:01 am :
Ironically enough, the commercial line up on ALL of these channels are still true today.
trancejen wrote on 09/26/06 at 8:21 am :
JR - You bet, I will post it as a separate post later today so that it gets the attention it deserves, and then as a permanent link.
Jer wrote on 09/26/06 at 9:06 am :
Thanks!!!!
bethsheba wrote on 09/26/06 at 4:00 pm :
MORE MORE MORE!!!!
I love Classic Jen.
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