Count My Age From The Rings Under My Eyes…
October 25th, 2006 by Kevin
I was up until six-thirty this morning, slept for a half an hour, and then slept from nine until ten.
Strangely enough, I don’t feel tired. I’m sure that any minute now, I’m going to fall face first into the carpet and sleep for a good twenty-six hours, but I don’t feel sleep-deprived so far. Just really, really annoyed.
Tonight I’m not even going to bother lying in bed for eight fucking hours, tossing and turning. I’m just going to read and get some shit done.
Last night was the J-Man’s parent-teacher conference. I dread this type of thing, because I generally suck at it. I am not the parent that likes to drone on and on about my child’s development and skills and shortcomings and such. He’s eight, for Christ’s sake. I worry that he doesn’t get enough fresh air, and I frequently become apoplectic if eats like a wildebeest. People make things too complicated.
I arrived early, as I always do, and since the teacher was running late, I caught snippets of the two previous conferences through the open door.
“…doesn’t stay on task AT ALL.”
“ABSOLUTELY pays NO attention and is very disruptive.”
“Has an extremely hard time with work and is difficult…”
“…stresses out and is not performing…”
Shit, I thought.
My kid gets good grades, for the most part (save Handwriting, which I think is going to become obsolete anyway), but I know that half the time his brain is a million miles away in Legoland and that he likes to talk twenty-four hours a day, to anyone, to the cat, to himself, even.
My child talks to himself so much that for a time I wondered whether there was an absorbed twin in there.
The teacher in question is a somewhat stern German woman who Does Not Fuck Around and strikes a little fear into my heart, if truth be told.
I was in for it, I thought. The J-Man was about to get reamed. My improper parenting was going to get displayed on a giant evidence table with a huge, glaring spotlight shining on every last little dirty faux pas.
“Come in,” she intoned.
I sat down in a chair too small for my ass and started to sweat.
Words began to pour from this woman’s mouth as a smile lit up all over her face about how my kid was an absolute joy to have in class, how he was so sweet and smart and insightful (insightful??) and helpful, how he told her to have a good day before leaving every day, how she felt he had a “higher intelligence” (WTF?), and how she was just so glad to have him in class.
Wonderful. So bright. Such a sweet child.
You could have knocked me over with a construction paper cell model. I mean, I know these things, most people that know him know these things, but it was a total shock to hear them coming from this woman.
I know it’s horribly annoying when people brag about their spawn, so forgive me for getting all “mommyblogger”, but I don’t think I’ve ever been so proud.
He even got an A in Handwriting.
I walked out to the car afterward, stuck my head in the door and said, “You are in so much trouble.”
As his face lit up with fear, I said, “Psych,” and gave him a hug.
It’s nice to be pleasantly surprised.
Happy Wednesday.
Bozoette Mary wrote on 10/25/06 at 1:39 pm :
Hurray for the J-Man! (You do realize that you’re the reason he’s so cool and groovy, don’t you?) Pleasant dreams, hopefully!
Meshugga wrote on 10/25/06 at 1:41 pm :
Woo! Way to go, J-Man! That is ten different flavors of awesome. Parents know when their kids rock, and it’s so nice to hear it acknowledged by other people as well, especially educators (who seem to have a knack for severe nitpicking that isn’t limited to just the child). Not that you need the validation from anyone on how wonderful a job you’ve done raising the J-Man or how great a kid he is. But still, it’s nice to know that it hasn’t gone unnoticed, eh?
I say it’s time for some celebratory shoe-shopping. *raises the roof*
LA wrote on 10/25/06 at 1:46 pm :
Well done, J-Man!!! And kudos to the mom. Mwah! ~LA
lisa-marie wrote on 10/25/06 at 1:57 pm :
Good job, J-Man! And, congrats, Jen, for raising such a great kid!
mish wrote on 10/25/06 at 2:24 pm :
that is the best. first smile on my face all day
Nightowl wrote on 10/25/06 at 3:19 pm :
Noticed that you still messed with him at the end. Nice mothering touch.
dom wrote on 10/25/06 at 3:40 pm :
well of course. he’s ~your~ kid, isn’t he? you have your head on straight (f-ed up as it may be) and so he’s going to come out fine. and thank you for posting this. made my day.
kelly wrote on 10/25/06 at 4:08 pm :
i got all vicariously proud, too. j’s fucking cool.
Cosmic wrote on 10/25/06 at 6:33 pm :
Am I surprised and amazed? Nope. You are a great mom. You not only teach him manners (how to fart only to impress famliy), how to survive, (bitchslap the bastards in mind only, never for real) how to get along with people (you are the epitome of love of humans), good fashion sense, (a definate fashion genius) and how to love and be loved. You are raising one of the most well-rounded kids I know.
trancejen wrote on 10/25/06 at 7:01 pm :
You all are very kind.
Little do you know that I lock him in the basement and beat him with my shoe every chance I get. Muhahahahaha.
warcrygirl wrote on 10/26/06 at 6:21 am :
Oh come on! Why have kids if you can’t brag about them? Kudos to the J-man and kudos to you, too, Jen.
Betty wrote on 10/26/06 at 6:29 am :
Jen I did the same thing to my daughter after her parent teacher meeting when I got home I said you are in so much trouble I heard you are talking too much, she looked like she was going to pass out but she caught me I said she was too chatty during calss with her friend R and my little girl turns to me with the dirtiest look and says no way I don’t even sit near her you are so busted! I burst out laughing.