The Appliances Hate Me.
October 26th, 2006 by Kevin
The refrigerator stopped working about three hours ago.
First the microwave, then the furnace and hot water heater, then the computer, and now the fridge. Why the hell can’t something cheap and easily replaceable like the toaster or the can opener break??
Don’t fuck with me, oven. I will kick you to the curb and become one of those sorry-assed people who microwaves everything, including Thanksgiving dinner.
I even make my own damn bagels, but I can change.
Oh, I can change.
Razzle-frazzin’ pieces of steel crap.
Nightowl wrote on 10/26/06 at 8:27 pm :
We have a saying here in Seattle, maybe you’ve heard of it.
“When it rains, it fucking pours!”
Sorry about the fridge.
OrneryPest wrote on 10/27/06 at 5:08 am :
Hey, it’s the nature of mechanical gadgets to quit working just when you need them the most! You can’t outwit Nature!
robin wrote on 10/27/06 at 6:07 am :
It’s because you have some emergency cash that you’d rather not spend on not.so.fun things like furnaces and appliances. Don’t you know how it works yet?
In a fucked up kind of way, it’s a good thing these things are happening when you do have a little extra cash than not.
I could totally live without the oven. Probably. Thanksgiving, though…eh, that’s pushing it. But there is the ordering in thing……
Elle wrote on 10/27/06 at 3:22 pm :
Oh, yes. If you happen to have extra cash, you cannot let your appliances, car or any other thing that can possibly break down, know. It doesn’t matter if you do not talk about money in front of these things, they can sense the source of your joy, and feeling left out, will break down.
If you have extra money, you must surreptitiously sneak in any new purchases and hide them far from any appliance until they are sufficiently old and you can pass them off as used, or say: “This? I have had this FOREVER!”
Do not change your facial expressions while in the presence of your appliances. Do not even quirk an eyebrow to indicate that things have changed. Continue on as normal, and hope that nothing breakable can read your mind. But, be aware that all machines belong to a union and communicate from one house to another. So, if anyone at all knows about the money and talks, you are sunk.
Okay, now I am going to go take my medication and lie down…
trancejen wrote on 10/27/06 at 3:58 pm :
Goddamn fridge is dead.
ARGHHHHHHH