We’ll Just Put Rollers Throughout The House.

October 27th, 2006 by Kevin

So the basic problem with my heart is low blood pressure, and since they took me off the Super Speed (cardiac drug) I’ve been passing out again, feeling dizzy and shitty and numb and generally bleh.

I have noticed, however, that if I can get past the dizziness and nausea enough to get my ass on the treadmill for about 45 minutes, my blood pressure goes way up and I feel much better for about two hours afterwards.

The only downside is that my already too-high heart rate is probably skyrocketing. I haven’t checked - I really don’t want to know. I have cut way down on the smoking, though, and waaaay down on the caffeine.

Still, if treadmilling it up a couple of times a day is going to keep me from eating linoleum, that’s what I shall do.

Getting in shape + not breaking head = good. I was convinced I broke the bone over my eye the other day and was seriously pissed off. Thankfully my face is still intact, but my father is about two inches away from buying me a helmet.

I do not want a helmet.

And don’t say shit to me about Natalie Fucking Portman in Garden State. Natalie Fucking Portman could probably wear an adult diaper and a Hefty bag and still look good in it.

We are going to a kids’ costume party tomorrow afternoon. I have no idea what the hell to be. Any suggestions (involving shit I might have around the house) would be much appreciated.

Happy Friday.

85 Responses to “We’ll Just Put Rollers Throughout The House.”

  1. le-fart wrote on 10/27/06 at 11:34 am :

    Oh, I don´t like her that much. She´s such a fake-prude. You know, tries to be sexy and wanted and adored by being prude. I don´t like her, and I think she looks regular, not fabulous. I like glamor-bitches. Don´t like her.

  2. trancejen wrote on 10/27/06 at 12:10 pm :

    I’m about tired of it being said that the sun shines out of her ass…

  3. Kizz wrote on 10/27/06 at 12:45 pm :

    Well, you know, you could go as, say, a football player or a biker or even as Natalie Portman in Garden State thus incorporating a helmet into your costume. It’s a little practical to be a super fun costume but, hey, don’t we all love to multi task?

  4. golfwidow wrote on 10/27/06 at 12:55 pm :

    My friend’s husband won a costume contest in street clothes by saying he was dressed up as “the guy who pays for the candy.”

  5. Kungfukitten wrote on 10/27/06 at 1:34 pm :

    Instead of a helmet I think you should wrap everything in the house in bubblewrap. Speaking of bubblewrap, you could go as Weird Al in his “white and nerdy” video. Darken your hair, part it on the side, shirt with pocket protector. Could be good. Go here for inspiration:

    http://youtube.com/watch?v=rWs1FF-BS7c

  6. Nightowl wrote on 10/27/06 at 2:26 pm :

    Better yet, put your hair in rollers or some old bag. put some ugly sweats on and cream on you face and go as “the future”
    so when someone says what are you…you say “your future”
    works well no matter who asks it.

  7. Amy wrote on 10/27/06 at 4:01 pm :

    Magic 8 Ball: Wear all black. Cut a large 8 out of white cloth, cardboard or paper and pin or tape it to your back. When people ask you what you are, tell them “reply hazy, try again,” or “cannot predict now.” Or tell them to shake you and ask you a question.

    More ideas here: http://www.costumeideazone.com/index.htm

    I really like the “white trash” costume too.

  8. bill wrote on 10/27/06 at 6:24 pm :

    Need we point out that she did in fact wear a hefty bag in Garden State as well as the helmet? (And didn’t look that great in it, ok?)

    You could wear a welcome mat on a rope around your neck and be a “Doormat”…(I’ve seen that before)
    With white and black makeup, you can paint your face like a skull, wear all black and pin white cloth or paper bones on your arms and legs, maybe cut up a raggedy old shirt if you don’t want to cut out ribs and spine…

    Of course I’m all ideas when it’s not me who has to dress up! I have a black t-shirt with glowy skeletons all over in kamasutra positions…that will and has served me well enough!

  9. michael wrote on 10/27/06 at 7:05 pm :

    i say pull out your best white face makeup and black goth-ware and say you’re a teenager.

  10. jenny wrote on 10/27/06 at 9:01 pm :

    you could go as a mormon elder….wear a long back skirt and some nylons with black shoes and a blazer. get a named tag that says: ELDER trance or SISTER trance

  11. christine wrote on 10/27/06 at 9:22 pm :

    Wrap towel around head and wear a robe and slippers. Go as somebody whose doorbell just rang. (Added bonus…towel acts as head cushion.)

  12. bill wrote on 10/28/06 at 7:59 am :

    and don’t forget to take pictures!!

  13. Cosmic wrote on 10/28/06 at 10:45 am :

    I won a costume contest years ago. Probably nobody would recognize it now, but I put my legs through a huge black trashbag, filled it up with crumpled newpaper and did the same with another one to stick my head and ars though. I taped them together, put on white pantyhose, white gloves and sneakers. Last, but not leas, was the huge plastic sunglasses. I was a California raisen. Around the house stuff, though. hmmm. Shred up a couple sheets, wrap them around you and you can be the Mummy.

  14. Michele wrote on 10/28/06 at 2:22 pm :

    since i’m too late for the “wear white sweats and paint Bayer on your shirt to go as an asprin” idea, i thought i’d point out the ad that showed at the bottom of the post….

    “Lower Your Bood Pressure, non drug, no side effects”

    no isn’t that just a kick in the ass :)

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