iSuck.
November 13th, 2006 by Kevin
Do you think that - when faced with the annoying voice of nagging, frequent self-doubt - most people are able to successfully shush negative feelings without having to use some sort of addictive or self-calming-yet-probably-not-so-great behavior (such as smoking, overeating, undereating, and any number of weird psychiatric rituals like cutting or practicing obsessive-compulsive behaviors)?
I suppose a better way to put that is, do most people plagued with self-doubt learn to live with it quietly, or do they tend to “act out” in order to deal with it?
I know I’m not the Jen of ten years ago or even the Jen of two years ago in terms of dealing with stress or self-esteem problems. I’m far more likely to write or read or call someone than I am to engage in self-destructive behavior, which certainly indicates that I’ve come a long way; but that primary panicky feeling remains - I must get these shitty feelings Away, NOW.
I constantly wonder how other people who grew up with that feeling of being “less than” drive the cloud of crappiness away.
I know I’m doing so much better than I used to, but I also know that once in a while I still feel that sort of hollow pain in my gut that just wants, wants relief, wants to feel better, wants some sort of warm wave to wash over me that says, you are worth it, you aren’t a fat piece of shit, you’re going to be OK.
I know that tomorrow will feel better - and knowing that is half the battle - and I also know that I’m going through a weird sort of medication swing, still withdrawing from a lot of the crap and getting used to new sleeping patterns and such. These things affect my moods, and frankly, I’m pretty happy that they haven’t affected me more than they have.
I’d just like to hear how other people deal with the blue meanies, the feeling of suck, the attacks of crapitude. If you feel like it, drop me a comment.
Unless you’re one of those people who has been cheerful twenty-four hours per day your entire life. If that’s the case, pass me one of those pills.
Happy Monday Night.
carl wrote on 11/13/06 at 10:47 pm :
Hi jen,
I am inspired by ZEN Buddhism. The saying “You are not what you think” is literally the truth.
The rambling negative thoughts passing through one’s head should not be taken seriously, they have nothing to do with the real you.
In my case, I became very fed up with the negativity and what that negativity was attracting in my life. I am getting better at releasing those shitty thoughts, it is a never ending process, there is no magic pill, one needs to be mindful and aware/ awake/ present to what is going on in the head…so many people including me get trapped into thinking that our thoughts are the truth when they are NOT.
Therefore I have now realized that anytime I have negative self destructive thoughts, I recognize / notice them as just that: stupid thoughts that have no meaning to who I really am. I let them go and try my best to replace them with positive thoughts. Practice makes perfect. After a while the negative thoughts are not so powerful.
Take care, carl
Tori wrote on 11/13/06 at 10:56 pm :
freak out… cry… call my mommy… call a friend… take a pill that isn’t “made for this”… make threats I don’t follow thru with… eat too much… shall I go on?
anxiety is almost worse than pain… in my opinion
dom wrote on 11/13/06 at 11:36 pm :
it was so simple, but once i had it explained, i really notice it. i get the blues when i’m tired and it goes away when i have energy. that’s it! just think, has there ever been a time when you were feeling blue AND you had a ton of energy? NO! when you’ve slept well and get up early and exercise and eat well, you have energy and you don’t feel down. at night, when i’m overtired, i get all nostalgic and depressed. (note we’re not talking clinical depression or other mental disorders, which probably don’t follow the energy = happy rule.) so, the simple solution for me, and maybe you if you can find a way, is sleep, eat well, exercise, boost your energy and stay happy! (hope this helps some) (also note, your last post was about being tired and this one is about being blue. connection?)
Nightowl wrote on 11/14/06 at 12:38 am :
Hello???? If you need a pill I can get you a prescription. It’s call Chocolate! Or Sex. Or Beer. Or just plain avoiding it all together. Everyone has these feelings and we all deal with it in our own way. My way you ask? I read a book and avoid the problem altogether. but I’m not a good example, I have a fat ass and my laundry still isn’t done.
I also use humor. It works for me even though most people say I’m going to hell for laughing at the most inappropriate times.
LA wrote on 11/14/06 at 1:19 am :
I’d tell you to write a book, but you already did that. Not married so divorce is out (my fave for chasing the blues away). Bullshit is around so there’s the possibility of sex. I dunno, hon.
Seriously, for me it’s a conscious choice to just not feel that way anymore. I know this is unhelpful in the extreme, but it’s true. My need to feel good is bigger than my anxiety and need to be evil to myself. It only took 43 years! Whoo! Hope your blue meanies go away. ~LA
dichroic wrote on 11/14/06 at 1:56 am :
Books. (Reading, not writing, for me.) I do have a fairly deep knowledge that bad times are temporary, but while waiting it out, there’s no reason I have to stay in my life instead of entering someone else’s.
Trish wrote on 11/14/06 at 4:26 am :
It doesn’t go away. Never. Ever.
Calynda wrote on 11/14/06 at 8:02 am :
I’ve noticed that (even though I’m not all that fond of people) I’m happier when I get to be out and about and have some social face to face contact (with people other than those I live with). I also found that I didn’t hear any of those not nice thoughts when I was exersizing on a regular basis (goes back to the “having energy” thing dom said) … other than that, I don’t know what else to suggest
Bozoette Mary wrote on 11/14/06 at 8:58 am :
Anne Lamott works for me.
Rumblelizard wrote on 11/14/06 at 9:20 am :
Unfortunately, when I’m really beset by the blue meanies, I tend to self-medicate with the prolly worst medication possible: booze. Vodka, to be more precise. God, I’m feeling so down, I think I’ll take a depressant! That’ll help, by God! …..Hey, why am I not feeling better? :/
Queen of the Winter Carnival wrote on 11/14/06 at 9:31 am :
I put on “It’s Not Unusual” by Tom Jones and throw myself into some ridiculous home improvement project, the more ridiculous and difficult, the better. A. I defy anyone to remain blue while “It’s Not Unusual” is playing, B. You get to use power tools during home improvement projects, and that is extremely cathartic, and C. If you pick a really complicated home improvement project, one that is best left to professionals, you’ll be pissed off and frustrated within ten minutes of starting, and pissed off is way better than blue.
Alex wrote on 11/14/06 at 9:32 am :
This is going to sound morbid, but I think about my best friend that past away a few years back. I think of everything he should have had, everything he wanted to have, and everything that should have been. That eventually leads to some anger… at myself for wasting time with such negative emotions. I definitely allow myself some room to feel bad at times. I think its well deserved actually… those cathartic moments of release. But when I feel stuck in them, that’s when I turn my attention to Danny. And one of your readers above is right… the more you practice something (like what I do), the easier it becomes. You essentially train yourself to react in the way you want.
Another great thing to do, is take your son and tell him he’s got to hug mommy for two whole minutes and no talking, just a long bear hug. Tell him to just do it! You can use a timer at first. But you will find you won’t need one after a while. And in the midst of the hug, just focus on the feeling you have when hugging him… you will find the most wonderful kind of humility and gratitude set in. It’s a bit of an existential way of being, with a dash of Buddhism, that allows you to dwell in that small moment, that will provide a strong sense of satisfaction. And J’ will always be able to think of those long silent hugs as a source of comfort from his mom.
Mish wrote on 11/14/06 at 11:10 am :
hey - just spent an entire yoga class thinking about divorce as a cure to my anxiety. But maybe its just deep depression because when the instructor started talking about how we control our bodies, I (as I usually do) started to visualize a stroke or an annurysim. Also started crying during the final relaxation state. God I so suck at letting bad things go. Oddly, I have to agree w/ Calynda and Trish. Not that I think I can do it, but Carls advice seems really good. I have heard it before. And you cannot possibly suck any more than i do
Erika wrote on 11/14/06 at 11:32 am :
I just pray for them to go away, and try to avoid my children so I don’t screech at them. I also try and know that they will go away, and allow myself to be blue for a bit.
le-fart wrote on 11/14/06 at 11:57 am :
I love this part about you.
kimberly wrote on 11/14/06 at 1:30 pm :
well…let’s see
from about 12-29 I would either starve (nice hummy buzz and a self esteem boost besides) or binge ie lock myself away on the weekends with a slew of tabloids, a bag of doritoes and a half gallon of cherry cordial ice cream (not so nice ding to the bank account and left me feeling bloated besides. For the last two years I’ve been the equivalent of a raging nyphomaniac even though I most often don’t have a partner because there are very few men who I actually want to have sex with. This leads me to a pertinent and somewhat pressing question: Do you think its possible to disfigure your clit from masterbating too much? Seriously I took a look in the mirror this morning and was a little worried.
Deep breathing also helps. That’s probably the wisest thing. Count to ten with each breath in and each breath out. You really will feel better.
Rae wrote on 11/14/06 at 5:29 pm :
I find it funny (not like, funny-haha) that I always forget the connection between my self-esteem and the amount of sleep I’m getting. I mean, yeah, some days I’m perky and alert and think the world is great, only I’m not so sure of my greatness in it. But mostly, yeah. Sleep is a pretty basic need and generally speaking, enough of it, for me, makes all the difference.
Rae wrote on 11/14/06 at 5:33 pm :
*sigh* Sorry, yeah, that was a pretty repetitive comment I just posted, but I think what I meant to say was that, besides getting enough sleep, what works for me is allowing myself to suck. I’ve come to recognize there are parts of myself that just aren’t cool. But, if I can remember that these are just parts of me, and not the whole me, I can generally find a way to fix them, or at least stop obsessing about them.
Vickie wrote on 11/15/06 at 6:17 pm :
When I was little and had anxiety attacks at night about school or parents or whatever slightly imperfect behavior I might have exhibited in public, I would chant myself to sleep by saying, “I won’t think about, I won’t remember it.” It worked great, except large, extended periods of my childhood are missing. I have actually met a few people who claimed to be my best friend from 3rd grade, etc and I have no recollection. I just fake a big smile and gush.
Pam wrote on 11/15/06 at 9:07 pm :
Vickie, I have a friend like that. He doesn’t remember anything from grade 7 to midway through high school, and what he does remember from grade 5+ is really distorted. Crazy what the brain can do.
Gwensarah wrote on 11/16/06 at 9:30 am :
I put on excessive amounts of Sigur Ros (esp. Untitled #6) and brood. If there’s something specifically wrong I might talk about it to someone who gets it but if it’s just a general case of iSuck, one of my favourite things to do is take my CD player into the bathroom, play the aforementioned Sigur Ros, light a bunch of candles so I can leave the light on and sit in the shower with the water full blast. Then I take a long nap. Fall is the worst for me though and I’m not above getting blotto in certain circumstances.