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December 12th, 2006 by Kevin
OK, this is classic:
My mother, from whom a goodish portion of my completely fucked-up food issues have sprung, actually follows me around the house critiquing what I eat, how often I eat, when I eat, and how much I eat on a daily basis. She does this without fail, and she has done this, oh, let’s say…
…fucking forever.
This tends to make me slightly anxious and more than a little irritable. I’m sure that most people can understand why.
Eventually one starts to become exactly like one of those laboratory rats that is shocked with an electric prod every time it eats - skittish and somewhat hunted around food if not avoidant of it altogether. My heart actually starts to pound upon entering a kitchen.
There are some legitimate reasons for my neuroses. My ridiculous behaviors are not entirely free-floating and without roots.
My therapist, helpful little gal that she is, had this suggestion:
“Just don’t listen to her.”
Oh my God, why didn’t I think of that before? I could just not listen to her! Eureka!
To think that all this time I’ve been listening to my mother when I could have just not listened. I am such a goof!
Once again the medical and psychiatric communities amaze me with their ability to simplify and clarify my problems.
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Kungfukitten wrote on 12/12/06 at 5:14 pm :
Have you tried hitting her? Isn’t that also a tried and true psychological premise - negative reinforcement? “You talk about what I eat, you get it upside the head.” The “be-yotch” is purely optonal depending upon your mood.
Cruel Irony wrote on 12/12/06 at 5:22 pm :
HA!
lisa-marie wrote on 12/12/06 at 5:35 pm :
*Begin Sarcasm* That’s the most brilliant piece of advice I’ve ever heard. *End Sarcasm*
mish wrote on 12/12/06 at 6:04 pm :
yeah, thats why i dont particularly like them
Denise wrote on 12/12/06 at 6:16 pm :
Therapists are so silly. Of course, she didn’t mean passive not listening. She meant active not listening. It’s a little like active listening, but instead of paraphrasing back what the speaker said to show you understood, you must paraphrase what the imaginary person in your head said instead to show you don’t give a crap.
Singing is also a good form of active not listening.
Loob wrote on 12/12/06 at 6:33 pm :
Not meaning to incite a war or anything, but I was wondering if you and your Mum fight about those things. I mean, when she starts up, does it lead to a fight, or do you do your best to shrug her off?
I ask because my Mum spent many years making me feel crappy in that same sort of way, and I finally told her off, and she actually stopped. (Which surprised me, and pleased me.)
So like I said, not meaning to get a war going in your house, but you would be SO within your human rights to say “Piss off!”
meredith wrote on 12/12/06 at 7:21 pm :
There was a book out in the last few years about mothers and daughters and I wish I had bought it. I remember seeing the author interviewed and she said that neither person (mother/daughter) realizes how much power their opinions contain. And it is so true. There is a certain comment my mom made when I was 16 that sticks with me. So I can only assume years of the same critique could drive you mad!
trancejen wrote on 12/12/06 at 8:48 pm :
Telling my mom to piss off has abso-fuckin’-lutely no effect.
Leaving the room has no effect.
If I left the state, I imagine that unless I had no phone and was unreachable by car, it would have no effect.
She practices “active nagging”.
Loob wrote on 12/12/06 at 10:19 pm :
That’s sucky.
Would she run away if you stuck your tongue out ans it was covered in peanut butter?
Might be time to start grossing her out.
carl wrote on 12/12/06 at 10:29 pm :
A difficult situation which seems rather codependant. Try Slapping her and at the same time tell her to piss off! Maybe that will work or try stuffing her in a box(with air holes) and ship her to Timbuctu.
She is your mother, faults, warts n all; god bless her soul.
carl
Loob wrote on 12/13/06 at 3:28 am :
Carl, Parents don’t have a free pass to be hurtful to their kids.
Something about us all actually being valuable individual beings with feelings.
The parents should be saying: “~Insert name~ is my child, faults and all, god bless her yada yada.”
Alex wrote on 12/13/06 at 9:37 am :
My mom use to make me do “exercises”… like plenty of sit ups and the such for at least one full hour after finishing my home work every single day. This was her way of *giving back* to society, by making sure I didn’t end up a fat bastard that couldn’t get herself a man when she got older. I shit you not. I finally had enough one day and ran away from home while she was taking a nap. She started taking me to see a therapist afterwords. *Convinced I was a defective child of sorts.* After three sessions I told the therapists what she made me do every day and she called my mom in on the fourth session. My mom started seeing her instead. I’m proud to report I haven’t done a sit up since.
Kimberly wrote on 12/13/06 at 11:55 am :
Surely its some insecurity of her own that makes her care so much about what you put in your mouth. Youve mentioned before how thin she is. Does she perhaps do so because watching you eat reminds her of how hungry she is or how much, subconsciously anyway, she would like to eat?
Michele wrote on 12/13/06 at 1:02 pm :
i LOVE therapists %D
my husband has major depression issues and it took a LONG time to find him one who is actually doing something
Rumblelizard wrote on 12/14/06 at 10:53 am :
Isn’t she the one who feeds you cookies? Jesus christ, it’s like she’s *trying* to make you go nuts. What is the freakin’ point of that, Jen’s mom? WHAT?
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