Tell Jen A Joke Thursday.
December 14th, 2006 by Kevin
Lay ‘em on me.
I would get the ball rolling, but honestly, I haven’t had enough coffee and I can’t think of a single one.
Happy Thursday.
December 14th, 2006 by Kevin
Lay ‘em on me.
I would get the ball rolling, but honestly, I haven’t had enough coffee and I can’t think of a single one.
Happy Thursday.
Allyson wrote on 12/14/06 at 10:35 am :
What do you call a prank pulled in the capital of Egypt?
A Cairo-Practical Joke! (get it? chiroprator? Eh? yeah!)
I made that up all by myself…
kitty wrote on 12/14/06 at 11:52 am :
What does a fish say when it swims into a wall?
Dam!
trancejen wrote on 12/14/06 at 11:52 am :
LOL.
You guys suck.
Christy wrote on 12/14/06 at 11:59 am :
Why doesn’t Mark Foley use bookmarks?
He prefers to bend over the pages.
(rim shot)
dom wrote on 12/14/06 at 12:07 pm :
How many surrealists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A FISH!
trancejen wrote on 12/14/06 at 12:08 pm :
LMFAO
Allyson wrote on 12/14/06 at 1:37 pm :
How come I see on the entry it says there are 6 comments, but I can only see one? What happened? Was my joke really that bad?
Bozoette Mary wrote on 12/14/06 at 3:18 pm :
Mickey Mouse goes to visit a divorce lawyer, and tells him he wants to divorce Minnie. The lawyer takes down all the details, and a couple weeks later he calls Mickey back.
“Mickey, you can’t divorce Minnie on the grounds that she’s crazy. She isn’t!”
And Mickey says, “I never said she was crazy, I said she was fuckin’ Goofy!”
golfwidow wrote on 12/14/06 at 3:26 pm :
What’s brown and sticky?
A stick.
Jer wrote on 12/14/06 at 3:42 pm :
A very loud, unattractive, obnoxious and mean-acting woman walks into Wal-Mart
with her two kids in tow, screaming obscenities at them all the way through the
entrance.
The Wal-Mart Greeter says, “Good morning and welcome to Wal-Mart. Nice children
you’ve got there. Are they twins?”
The ugly woman stops screaming long enough to say, “Are you blind? Hell no they
ain’t! The oldest one, he’s 9 and the younger one, she’s 7. Why the hell would
you think they’re twins? Do you really think they look alike?”
“No”, replies the greeter, “I just couldn’t believe you got laid twice.”
trancejen wrote on 12/14/06 at 4:09 pm :
Jer, that was awesome.
Golfwidow, you win the prize for the lamest joke I have ever heard. LOL
dataslave wrote on 12/14/06 at 8:00 pm :
How many psychiatrists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
It only takes one, but the lightbulb has to want to change.
dataslave wrote on 12/14/06 at 8:03 pm :
How do you get a bass player off your front porch?
Pay him for the pizza.
How can you tell there’s a drummer at the door?
The knocking speeds up and they don’t know when to come in.
dataslave wrote on 12/14/06 at 8:04 pm :
And lastly. . .
Q: How many Internet mailing list subscribers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: 1,331
1 to change the light bulb and to post to the mailing list that the light bulb has been changed
14 to share similar experiences of changing light bulbs and how the light bulb could have been changed
differently.
7 to caution about the dangers of changing light bulbs.
27 to point out spelling/grammar errors in posts about changing light bulbs.
53 to flame the spell checkers
156 to write to the list administrator complaining about the light bulb discussion and its
inappropriateness to this mail list.
41 to correct spelling in the spelling/grammar flames.
109 to post that this list is not about light bulbs and to please take this e mail exchange to alt.lite.bulb
203 to demand that cross posting to alt.grammar, alt.spelling and alt.punctuation about changing light
bulbs be stopped.
111 to defend the posting to this list saying that we are all use light bulbs and therefore the posts **are**
relevant to this mail list.
306 to debate which method of changing light bulbs is superior, where to buy the best light bulbs, what
brand of light bulbs work best for this technique, and what brands are faulty.
27 to post URLs where one can see examples of different light bulbs
14 to post that the URLs were posted incorrectly, and to post corrected URLs.
3 to post about links they found from the URLs that are relevant to this list which makes light bulbs
relevant to this list.
33 to quote all posts to date, including all headers and footers, and then add “Me Too.”
12 to post to the list that they are unsubscribing because they cannot handle the light bulb controversy.
19 to quote the “Me Too’s” to say, “Me Three.”
4 to suggest that posters request the light bulb FAQ.
1 to propose new alt.change.lite.bulb newsgroup.
47 to say this is just what alt.physic.cold_fusion was meant for, leave it here.
143 votes for alt.lite.bulb.
Pam wrote on 12/14/06 at 9:19 pm :
what’s worse than 10 babies stapled to a tree?
One baby stapled to 10 trees.
More here.
Kungfukitten wrote on 12/14/06 at 10:55 pm :
A duck walks into a pharmacy and says “Give me some chapstick and put it on my bill.”
jenny wrote on 12/14/06 at 11:16 pm :
how can you tell your sister’s on her period?
your dad’s dick tastes funny
Eeyore wrote on 12/14/06 at 11:18 pm :
Doctor: Well, what seems to be the problem?
Man: Well, I just can’t get enough of sex.
Doc: Are you married?
Man: Yes.
Doc: How often do you have sex with your wife?
Man: Two or three times a day.
Doc: That’s a bit much but no cause for alarm. Is there anyone else?
Man: There’s my secretary.
Doc: How often do you have sex with her?
Man: Two or three times a day.
Doc: That is quite excessive. Is there anyone else?
Man: There’s my mistress.
Doc: Well how often do you do it with her?
Man: Two or three times a day.
Doc: Son, you gotta get a hold of yourself.
Man: I do, two or three times a day.
Denise wrote on 12/14/06 at 11:19 pm :
A teenage boy goes to a drug store to buy condoms in preparation for his first sexual experience. Confused at all his options, he asks the pharmacist for help.
“The 3-pack is for HIGH SCHOOL STUDENTS,” explains the pharmacist. “Friday night, Saturday morning, and, if you’re lucky, Saturday night.” He continues, keeping count on his fingers, “The 6-pack is for COLLEGE STUDENTS. Friday night, Saturday morning, Saturday night, Sunday morning, Sunday night, and, if you’re lucky, Monday morning.”
Barely able to contain his adolescent excitement, the boy anxiously asks who the 12-pack is for. “Oh, the 12-pack is for MARRIED COUPLES. January, February, March . . . ”
jessica fantastica wrote on 12/14/06 at 11:30 pm :
How many ADD kids does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Let’s go ride bikes!
spazs wrote on 12/15/06 at 5:50 am :
A-hihi! (*giggles*)
Veronica wrote on 12/15/06 at 7:16 pm :
Three nuns are at the Pearly Gates. Before they enter Heaven, Saint Peter tells them that they’ll each have to correctly answer questions.
He asks the first nun, “Who was the first woman?”
The nun smiles, “Eve.”
“That’s correct,” Peter says, and he waves the nun into Heaven.
He asks the second nun, “And, where did the first woman live?”
The nun smiles, “The Garden of Eden!”
“That’s correct,” Peter says, and waves the second nun into Heaven.
Peter turns to the third nun and says, “Since you are a Mother Superior, your question is going to be a little more difficult.”
“That seems fair,” the nun says.
Peter nods. “What’s the first thing that Eve said in the Garden of Eden?”
The Mother Superior frowns. “Oh, that’s a hard one…”
“That’s correct,” Saint Peter says…
carl wrote on 12/15/06 at 10:54 pm :
What’s the definition of noise?
2 skeletons fucking on a tin roof!
How do you circumcise(sp?) a whale?
4 skin divers!
ADORING FAN wrote on 12/15/06 at 11:59 pm :
What’s the best thing about fucking 26 year olds?
There’s 20 of them.
trancejen wrote on 12/16/06 at 9:18 am :
Some of you guys are sick, sick bastards.
J wrote on 12/16/06 at 11:40 am :
*Two Irish guys from Southie walk into a bar. Mikey turns to Sully and says “Sully, hea we ah, skippin outta wurk onna Wednesday at three to have a coupla beehs an sum wings…” to which Sully replies “Yeah, but we got that proposal in eahly, an closed the quahtah aheada schedule and unda buget, so I think we can take the aftanoon off.”
Um… the joke is that these two micks actually Have a job to sneak out of, and aren’t Already pissed by 3:00 on a Wednesday to begin with.
*Boston accents have been approximated to the best of my ability. And trust me, I know these jackasses.
-J
Monkey-king wrote on 12/17/06 at 8:32 am :
I told this one at the bar tonight: Why do women get periods?
Because they fucking deserve it.
Allyson wrote on 12/18/06 at 7:10 am :
I heard this one last night, and thought of you.
A slice of bacon, a pancake, and an egg walk into a bar. The bartender says, “I’m sorry we don’t serve breakfast here.”
Ha! I loved it!
Mr. Ashley wrote on 12/19/06 at 11:46 pm :
OK, I’m a waaaaay late on this, but here ya go.
2 guys walk up to the door of a convent, and bang loudly.
Nun opens the door: can I help you?
guy #1: ummmm, do you have a very short nun here that was down at the beach on Friday night?
Nun: well, no. I’m afraid we don’t have anyone here that was at the beach that night.
both guys turn and walk away
guy #2 to guy #1: seeeeeeeeeee I told you that you fucked a penguin
Carol Elaine wrote on 12/20/06 at 2:06 pm :
I’m a bit late as well, but here goes:
It was the mailman’s last day on the job after 35 years of carrying the mail through all kinds of weather to the same neighbourhood.
When he arrived at the first house on his route he was greeted by the whole family there, who congratulated him and sent him on his way with a big gift envelope.
At the second house they presented him with a box of fine cigars. The folks at the third house handed him a selection of terrific fishing lures.
At the fourth house he was met at the door by a strikingly beautiful woman in a revealing negligee. She took him by the hand, gently led him through the door, and led him up the stairs to the bedroom where she blew his mind with the most passionate love he had ever experienced.
When he had had enough they went downstairs, where she fixed him a giant breakfast: eggs, potatoes, ham, sausage, blueberry waffles, and fresh-squeezed orange juice. When he was truly satisfied she poured him a cup of steaming coffee.
As she was pouring, he noticed a dollar bill sticking out from under the cup’s bottom edge. “All this was just too wonderful for words,” he said, “but what’s the dollar for?”
“Well,” she said, “last night, I told my husband that today would be your last day, and that we should do something special for you. I asked him what to give you.”
He said, “Fuck him, give him a dollar.”
The lady then said, “The breakfast was my idea.”
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