Brokeback Trance.
December 18th, 2006 by Kevin
Due to slow processing speed, I never got my MRI results while I was in the hospital recently.
Today at the pain clinic, I got a copy of the reports and talked about them with the doctor there. I guess I managed to further fuck up my back and neck while passing out during Heartfuck episodes, because I’ve gone from having two blown-out discs in my back and one in my neck to having two in my neck, and now one of the ones in my back is torn. There are now also more bone spurs.
Apparently this now makes me a candidate for more aggresive treatments and possibly surgery. I’m not sure what yet, because that’s going to be discussed in further detail in three weeks when I return to the clinic.
I’m waiting with bells on, to be sure.
Actually I’m almost to the point in which I don’t care whether they send a doctor in there with a bone saw, a hammer, and some pliers, as long as they somehow can make the shit stop hurting. Just fix it. Show me why you make the big bucks, man. Dazzle me with your brilliance and tune up my spine like a fine piano.
There were also new findings in my brain MRI that I just really don’t even want to get into, partially because I haven’t seen the neurologist and therefore don’t understand what’s caused the shit yet and partially because I’m so freaked out by the reports that I really can’t even begin to deal with it.
Therefore back goes my head into the sand. It’s been a particularly shitty year, medically, and I really don’t care to know any more bad news at this point. I honestly couldn’t believe there were more changes since my last head scan.
File that under “fuck it” and move along.
I was given an epidural injection in my neck. I’ve had the procedure done in my lower back before, but somehow it didn’t bother me as much then. Something about the doctor fucking around inside the back of my neck with needles just made me incredibly nervous, and as much as I tried to lie there and not think about it and joke around while he did his thing, it freaked me out.
They injected local anesthesia and then shot dye and steroids through some sort of little rigging (God, I kept feeling him inserting parts, ew) while examining my neck on an X-ray machine, and I balled my hands into fists so tightly that they still hurt.
Ick, ick, ick.
Also, Dear Medical Professionals: “a little pressure” = hurts like a bitch. Don’t lie. It fucking hurt. It still fucking hurts.
I’m not a wuss, either. Maybe my local didn’t work because I’m on too many drugs.
I have no idea, but I wanted to jump a foot off of the table and probably would have if I wasn’t worried about a needle ripping through my spinal cord and paralyzing me.
Normally I do not get the urge to drink or use drugs in order to calm my nerves, but today I wanted to go home and have a martini or fifteen, or perhaps a handful of Vicodin.
Sheesh. Nerve-wracking.
Thankfully after a trip to the cardiologist tomorrow I am through with doctors for about three weeks.
Merry Christmas to me.
In other news, I am just seriously tired and crabby. Wake me up when all my test results are fucking normal, when everything is fucking fine, when nothing hurts, and when I can just assume (correctly) that nothing inside of my body is going haywire for absolutely no good fucking reason.
There are worse things. There are far, far, far, worse things, and I do consistently keep that in mind like a good little sick person; but I must admit that I really don’t have holiday spirit coming out of my ass this year. If it wasn’t for the J-Man I’d just as soon sleep through it.
Happy Monday from the crabass.
I’ll be better tomorrow when my neck isn’t throbbing.
carl wrote on 12/18/06 at 10:43 pm :
Jeezus murphy! I feel for ye! pain is pain and it sucks no matter what! I hope 2007 will be a better year for you! Your family sounds like fun!!! Crazy fun!
Alex wrote on 12/19/06 at 7:50 am :
I’m sorry… I’m just sorry. That seriously blows… I want to write “get better”, but that just sounds pathetically ignorant somehow.
Biff Naked wrote on 12/19/06 at 4:22 pm :
Hey, Twin. We have the same maladies. Bone spurs and bad disks in the neck. I also had the needle in the neck and dye injected blah, blah, blah. I was lucky in that the doc gave me a hell of a dose of demerol before hand to calm me down. I am going in for surgery next month to have the spurs snipped off and to have one vertebra cracked open and a bone graft inserted to give the spinal cord room. It sounds bad but I am tired of the pain. The vicodin is doing a number on my stomach as well, so I am ready to give it up if the surgery will work. Best of luck to you.
Smoog wrote on 01/9/07 at 8:11 am :
I’m just catching up on things, Trance, and let me just offer my good wishes - and offer myself up as an example of someone who has gone through both spinal surgery to repair disk disease and someone who’s gone through various brain wonkinesses. I suffered for a year and a half basically bedridden, being unable to walk because of a massive disk herniation that eventually caused permanent paralysis in my left leg because I was too chicken to go for surgery. Eventually I had to anyway, because it got so bad I developed cauda equina syndrome and couldn’t pee anymore. Best thing I ever did, even though I ended up being one of the few who developed a secondary infection and needed a second surgery. I’m not sure if you’ve spoken to doctors about the new artificial disks they now have, but that’s one thing to look into. I will say it was wonderful to walk again regardless that I drag my left foot a little, and not being loaded up on neuropathic and opiate pain suppressors (gabapentin, amitriptyline, and oxycontin in my case) was great too - I could think again! The drugs were my saviour, though, in spite of that constant fuzziness - the neuropathic pain suppressors allowed me to get out of bed again. The pain from the surgery was nothing in comparison to the pain of the disk injury itself, and if it were to happen again, I’d do it again. No, disk surgery is not a cure, it’s a treatment, and when you have multiple collapsing disks, the relief may not be complete or permanent, but don’t write it off. Keep it on the list.
Ivan wrote on 11/29/07 at 1:26 am :
Hi, my name is disman-kl, i like your site and i ll be back
dvd porn wrote on 12/17/07 at 3:09 pm :
black porn star byeyumii
sexy anime girls wrote on 12/17/07 at 3:10 pm :
free hot sexy porn movie galleries byeyumii
Phentermine without prescription. wrote on 12/24/07 at 9:09 am :
Phentermine no prescription….
Phentermine prescription online. Phentermine no prescription. Buy phentermine online no prescription….
athletes foot wrote on 12/26/07 at 2:55 am :
Athlete’s foot is a fungal infection that causes itching, scaling, cracking, with sores and blisters on the affected foot. Fungus grows best in warm, moist areas, that’s why it is attracted to our feet.It is contagious,There are many over the counter remedies available, but this is the right product to treat Athlete’s foot. So, try this and get rid of this infection.
Here’s to happier, healthier feet!
internet pharmacy wrote on 12/27/07 at 4:55 am :
Sorry but what do you mean about that? I cant understand really.
Payday loans no teletrack. wrote on 12/28/07 at 10:22 pm :
No teletrack payday loans….
No teletrack payday loans. Payday loans without use of teletrack….
Prescription info wrote on 01/6/08 at 2:00 pm :
Free prescription