I’m So Cool I Bring Cool With Me On Vacation.
January 15th, 2007 by Kevin
Arizona was lovely and relaxing, albeit cold. It actually got down to the forties when we were there, shattering my image of Arizona as neverending-ninety-degree paradise and making me feel a little stupid for packing all those tank tops, but causing me to feel a little less whiny about Chicago weather.
It’s not so bad when I know that you westerners are getting fucked, too.
We stayed in Ahwatukee, which is in Phoenix, and I am happy to report that Bullshit’s parents were fabulous hosts who made me feel like one of the family. Bullshit’s mom even treated me to an hour-and-a-half-long massage at a spa, which was just mmmmohmygodaaaaaaaah.
Bullshit’s mom talks nonstop and smokes like a fiend, Bullshit’s dad reads voraciously and likes the Stones, and Bullshit’s sister is loud and funny and likes beer, and as you can imagine these are all traits that are all-damn-right with me.
Here are a few pictures for your viewing pleasure. This isn’t a whole photoblog, but I will be doing a photoblog later this week because I am going into the hospital tomorrow for a 48-hour EEG and plan to document the process. I am sure that my head-wired misery will be much more interesting than my rather low-key and fun vacation.
On the Blue Line, headed for O’Hare.
Fun with cacti: 
Sedona, which was lovely. Sedona has six thousand small art galleries and will make you want to spend all your money. The scenery there is picture-postcard perfect.
We don’t get sunsets like that up thar in the flatlands. Shore was purty. 
I had plenty of time to relax and consequently, thankfully didn’t have too many Fuckbrain/Heartfuck episodes. I did crap out a couple of times but luckily it was the kind of vacation in which I could take a nap and not have to keep on running around like a freak.One interesting happening was that one pupil dilated completely and stayed that way for an entire day for apparently no reason whatsoever while the other stayed constricted. This gave me a rather surreal appearance and also freaked me right the hell out.
Such is Fuckbrain. At this point, I probably shouldn’t be surprised by anything.
If pressed, I would most certainly have have to emit a little cheese and say that the best part of my vacation was waking up with Bullshit every morning and falling asleep with him every night.
I know, I know, nauseating. It’s not the sort of thing I say. It’s not even the sort of thing I think. Trust me, a small part of me still feels that eventually the bomb will probably drop and that I will become the same Jen I have seemed to morph into rather quickly during the course of all my other relationships - the person I really don’t like who becomes distant and cold and who radiates just get the hell away from me from the eyeballs.
The thing is, these days a much larger part of me doesn’t, and I am just really fucking happy.
Maybe it really does happen this way - I may not have expected it or even have particularly wanted it, but love seeped into my life, growing over everything here until I started to forget what I felt like without it, and then suddenly I started to realize with astonishment that I really don’t seem to ever get sick of him, I can enjoy comfortable silences, and I don’t feel like I’m being smothered to death when he holds me at night - in fact, I feel pretty damned good.
I even let him touch my feet.
Yeah. I’m as shocked as you are.
It all brings up a lot of complicated feelings, not the least of which is, “So now what?”, as well as weird ones like “Wow, I feel that this could seriously be the last person I ever fuck,” but I don’t have that panicky feeling of thinking that I have to figure it all out right now. The speed at which things have been progressing, although initially quicker than I would have anticipated, is fine, and I am content.
I still worry that I am in no physical condition to be involved with someone, and it still bothers me that my health is so up in the air.
The thing is that if I waited until conditions were all perfect, I would probably end up waiting forever, and there is no way I would wait for this.
I’m having too much fun.
Sometimes I watch him while he is driving, and just sitting there looking at his profile as he steers and smokes is enough to break my heart a little, because I feel so fucking lucky, so amazingly unworthy to be so happy and fortunate to have found this person who fits so perfectly right here inside of my heart.
Sometimes I have to pretend I have something on my contact lens when that happens.
Happy MLK Day.
golfwidow wrote on 01/15/07 at 10:20 am :
Yay.
That is all. Carry on.
Kevin wrote on 01/15/07 at 10:47 am :
Yep, the west is a rock-hard cold one too. It was 28 degrees in suburban San Diego this morning. 28! In San Diego!
Alex wrote on 01/15/07 at 12:07 pm :
That was great to read…kudos to you!!! You deserve all the good vibes.
Mish wrote on 01/15/07 at 1:07 pm :
thats awesome and he is HOT
trancejen wrote on 01/15/07 at 1:12 pm :
No, he’s totally homely.
I kid.
Veronica wrote on 01/15/07 at 1:27 pm :
Yeah, you picked a cold week. Supposedly it was colder in LA than in London.
lisa-marie wrote on 01/15/07 at 1:33 pm :
Sounds like a terrific time! And, such gorgeous pictures!!
LA wrote on 01/15/07 at 1:50 pm :
Um, would you believe I know EXACTLY what you’re talking about?
The Glamazons hit paydirt!!! Whoo, ~LA
Kis/Christine wrote on 01/15/07 at 3:05 pm :
You look great, and you’ve lost so much weight! Glad you had a great time, and welcome back.
Nightowl wrote on 01/15/07 at 5:06 pm :
Screw you all! We have snow and ice here in Seattle. We don’t get snow. We get rain. Nobody but you transported mid-westerners knows how to drive in snow. We’re all screwed here!
Kudos to you on the romance by the way.
AND stop analyizing it. You found someone you like/love. Just enjoy the moment.
trancejen wrote on 01/15/07 at 5:08 pm :
We’re getting the snow/ice today, too. Icky.
And yeah, I must confess I’m a bit guilty of enjoying the moment. It is so very unlike me…
ThatGrrrl wrote on 01/15/07 at 5:11 pm :
Yay! I’m SO happy for you, Jen, you DESERVE all the happiness you can stand.
John in Phoenix wrote on 01/15/07 at 5:31 pm :
Welcome home Gorgeous lady !
I can’t believe that the one time you visit Phoenix in the Winter it’s colder than Hell frozen over. I’m so sorry Honey - I speak from experience when I say that the weather you encountered here this time of year is not normal at all. I’ve lived here my entire life and as a rule you can expect the temperature to be in the upper 60’s-lower 70’s. You have got to come back in the Spring and see what excellent weather is all about. It was only 27 degrees this morning and despite my covering the plants outside AND heating them with light bulbs, I still lost some of my best plants. Damnit all anyway. I didn’t really like my gorgeous Hibiscus or Bougainvillea anyway. *kidding obviously*
On a different note - I am so totally stoked that you and Bullshit are connecting in such a wonderfully positive manner. YOU deserve this Jen. (So do you La sweetie). We all want to see this continue to grow into something permanent no matter what you want to call it. Sounds to me like he has that ‘Best friend with HOT bedroom privledges’ aspect about him with love thrown in for good measure. Majorly cool.
Yay for you !
I’m sorry we couldn’t get together for drinks and a chance to chat during your visit here in Phoenix. *pout*. I would love to meet you someday and also meet Bullshit too. Maybe I’ll get the Cajones to go to one of the Blogger Meet n’ Greets one of these days. I’m not sure I would be welcome though since I don’t have an active Blog anymore.
Good luck at the hospital Jen. Let’s hope that this whole fuck-brain thing gets resolved at last so you can get on with your life without the constant worry about hitting the floor for a twitch fest and the headache that goes along with it. So scary. If it takes a pacemaker to end this whole thing I hope you do it. My best friend who is only 36 years old just got one himself after passing out constantly and it’s made his life whole again. Well worth it.
Happy belated New Years Sweetie !
- John in Phoenix
Loob wrote on 01/15/07 at 5:37 pm :
I’m so happy for you Jen. He sounds wonderful!
His whole family sounds wonderful!
trancejen wrote on 01/15/07 at 6:08 pm :
John you just rock. I hope your hibiscus and bougainvillea come back to life, sounds beautiful. I love me some big red hibiscus. I wish I would have been able to get in touch whilst down there but I did not touch the internets the whole time I was on vacation. It would have been nice to have met you. Hopefully there will be a next time WITH some good weather.
And thanks to all. When we have a horrid fiery breakup next week I’m glad I will have so many shoulders upon which to cry.
No doubt he is reading this and rolling his eyes at me.
Bozoette Mary wrote on 01/15/07 at 7:24 pm :
Ah, your entry made me smile. As I said to LA: Well, there you go!
Kungfukitten wrote on 01/16/07 at 4:03 am :
I’m so happy for you! You totally deserve to be in love and happy no matter what your condition is. It obviously doesn’t bother him. You know what’s weird, Zoloft used to make my left eye dilate. I’d take it before I went to bed and wake up in the morning with a blown left pupil. It didn’t seem to do anything other than look weird so maybe it’s a medication thing.
dataslave wrote on 01/16/07 at 6:53 am :
Weird how when I read this, I broke out in a big smile. When you’re happy, as you OBVIOUSLY are here, it’s cool. Play on, playa!
Political.Asylum wrote on 01/16/07 at 9:02 am :
The Sarcastic Idiocy Forum enjoys all vacation tales, but asks that next time you relay details of the pay telephones and public restrooms in the areas that you visited. THAT is what the people want to know about, after all.
http://www.thesif.net/SIF/index.php?
Lurker wrote on 01/16/07 at 10:19 am :
What is that ring on the third finger of your left hand???
bethsheba wrote on 01/16/07 at 11:55 am :
I am glad you are happy
Erika wrote on 01/16/07 at 2:08 pm :
I’m so happy for you, Jen! You deserve all the happiness in the world!
Jen wrote on 01/16/07 at 2:49 pm :
I live in Arizona (in the East Valley, Phoenix suburbs) and you must have been visiting during our record lows. Usually, we do have 70*+ days this time of year. But, we are getting hit with COLD temps. None of the natives are happy!
Best wishes to you!
QueenBoxingFan wrote on 01/16/07 at 3:21 pm :
Way to go Jen! It seems you’ve met your knight in shining armor. Sounds like a keeper to me! Congrats!
Amy wrote on 01/16/07 at 4:22 pm :
I am so happy for your happiness. And Yay for a great vacation. Also? LOVE your bangs.
KateNZ wrote on 01/16/07 at 9:03 pm :
Jen, I love the pics, you look great. So does he!!! I’m so pleased you’re in such a happy place with him. All the best for the tests - I hope you get the results you’re after. love and hugs,
Loob wrote on 01/17/07 at 8:20 am :
You’ve probably seen this, but just in case.
http://www.colbertnation.com/
Nicole wrote on 01/18/07 at 7:37 am :
Great photos- I love when you post photos!!
Its also great to hear that you are feeling good about things with Bullshit. I know I am not the only one who has been reading your blog for frickin’ years waiting for you to meet someone (and make it work with someone) who was cool and worthy and etc etc.
The only thing was… you still made a comment about not being worthy. Shut up! You totally deserve this- sick, healthy, asshole-y, whatever. Here is a trick- sometimes when I am feeling totally in over my head (happens a lot with the mommy stuff but not only then) I think of all the people who are complete fuck-ups who manage to do what I am afraid to do. And being a competetive bitch, it drives me crazy to think of all the unworthies getting to have what I want too. Seems like that is something you might be able to make work for you…
Adeshola wrote on 01/18/07 at 7:42 am :
Jen, I am soooo happy for you. I hope it lasts forever girl. You deserve it.
J wrote on 01/18/07 at 8:25 am :
Overwhelmed by… all the love… intheroom. Must… say something… sarchastic… *pant*
WEEEEEEEEEeeeeeeeeee!
I visited Arizona once long ago, and fell in Lurv with the place. New Mexico is probably my first choice (for that area), but Arizona is soo close second.
So glad to see you smiling, and ‘hear’ it in your ‘voice’. Just relax. Well, thats what Frankie says anyway.
J
(Oh, and that ring on the third finger of your left hand Does sort of look shiny. ;P )
warcrygirl wrote on 01/18/07 at 11:41 am :
That ‘one pupil dialated and one pupil constricted’ thing sounds so David Bowie-ish. Cool! Unless it means something was wrong, then not cool. Glad you had a nice vacay.
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