Wake Me When It’s February.
January 26th, 2007 by Kevin
This has been Suck Week for a variety of reasons, not the least of which is the fact that I was just told I need to consult with a surgeon right before having a needle jammed into my spine.
It makes no fucking sense to me to get surgery when I’m just going to fall and fuck up my back again anyway.
Double heart medication this week, which is making me feel like I just got off of a bad carnival ride. Spinal epidural today, which hurt like an ice pick going into the back of my neck. Three falls. Never enough sleep, and weight gain to boot because I haven’t been doing jack shit and have been in pain, lazy, and depressed.
I am so, so tired, and I am just really fed up.
Cut me a little break, body. Just cut me a little fucking break. I’m starting to feel less run down and more like I’ve been run over by a large truck.
Sometimes it’s hard to come out of the basement at all. I would rather just stay there and sleep and sleep so that I don’t have to think. Sleep feels better than pain medication. Sleep feels like a big hug. I can’t get enough.
I think that this is why people who are chronically ill become addicted to painkillers. You get used to the physical pain, but you never get over resenting the fact that your life is compromised, and sometimes it’s so much easier to just tune out and succumb to your body’s natural desire to just shut down and pass out.
Yeah, I’m a happy little ray of sunshine today, no doubt.
Never fear, I’m not eating handfuls of Vicodin or sobbing in the corner. I’m just getting it out of my system now so that I can smile and cook some chicken and put on my happy face later.
Right after I sleep for a while.
Happy Friday.
Bozoette Mary wrote on 01/26/07 at 12:33 pm :
Sending you a hug.
lisa-marie wrote on 01/26/07 at 2:58 pm :
I hope you feel better soon!
Kungfukitten wrote on 01/26/07 at 3:27 pm :
I know how you feel, well not exactly, but I’ve been on disability for three weeks and haven’t stepped out of the house or left my couch/bed for days on end. ((hugs)) Mmm, chicken.
scotvalkyrie wrote on 01/26/07 at 3:54 pm :
((hugs)) — damn bodies are smarter than we are, supposedly, but they certainly are more sadistic than we’d like. If only we could get along without bodies, eh?
Stephanie wrote on 01/26/07 at 5:18 pm :
Being unhealthy and in pain sucks. I’m sorry you have to go through all that. By the way, I’ll take the Vicodin if you don’t want it…
Lola wrote on 01/28/07 at 10:19 pm :
Hey JB, sorry I haven’t stopped by in a while and I’m sorry to hear your feeling crappy. Hope your weekend was a little better.
Allyson wrote on 01/29/07 at 7:19 am :
Sleep. Mmmm, it is so good. On saturday, I slept until 6pm. Thank goodness my son also was having tired issues. He also slept unti 6pm… once he went down for his nap.
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