You Are Here.
February 15th, 2007 by Kevin
There’s a whole lot I could say and undoubtedly much better venues in which to say it, but I am sort of in the mood to share with the internet; not to mention the fact that this is stuff I think you already know anyway, at least you should know it, at least I hope you know it, at least I assume I’m transparent enough that you do know it.
So yesterday was That Day but we are celebrating it today due to your work schedule, which sits fine with me because we won’t have to wait for a good table anywhere or deal with forty million sappy irritating people mooning around our hotel. I hate competing with other sappy irritating people.
Normally I am one of those vehement anti-Valentine’s Day assholes who bitches and moans about what a Hallmark holiday it is and how it sucks for single people and how trite and stupid and exclusive and commercial and ignorant it is, and hey, isn’t everyone who works for DeBeers going straight to hell, and fuck chocolate, it breaks me out, and who wants roses that die in two days, anyway?
I still feel exactly the same way - to hell with Valentine’s Day, let’s go have a beer.
I suppose, though, that all the sentimentality that has been thrust upon me by Walgreens and the other evil commercial giants plus our grand plans has made me think just a little bit about you and where we’re at and how I feel about all of this, and I must confess that I did almost get a little bit teary when I hung up the phone with Mare yesterday.
She was asking me about you, and all I could say was that for the first time in my life there is no drama or conflict, and that I am really comfortable and really, really happy.
I sort of had to stop there, because I didn’t know what else to say. I had no complaints about you. The only thing that occasionally irritates me about you is that you occasionally snore, and God, if that’s all I can find to bitch about after six months then I suppose I can consider myself a lucky person indeed. I can, and I do.
What I didn’t say were all the little things that help to make what we have so startling to me, the things that cause me to still have that shivery little buzz that you usually only get when you’re on the hormonal thrill ride that for me has only been at the very start of relationships if it’s been there at all.
Your voice on the phone gives me that buzz, as does the fact that we can talk for hours without pauses in the conversation growing awkward or trying. I love the fact that we often laugh at the same things and share a similar sense of what is funny, even when it’s sometimes sick. (Especially when it’s sometimes sick.) I love the fact that we can talk about politics without murder entering into the equation.
You and your family genuinely enjoy each other’s company. This has caused me to observe you all with shock and awe as if I am watching a rare, remote, African tribe that is being shown for the first time in all their oddity and wonder on the Discovery Channel. Who ever heard of a family that liked each other and did not utilize passive agressive humor?
The jury is still out on whether or not you have all been deprogrammed, but I think you will be a very nice group to be around once I become accustomed to the fact that nobody is going to snap off.
I love the fact that you absolutely exude calm, and it rubs off on me when I need it, as does your propensity toward actual reason, which is something I am generally not very familiar with. When I call you a super genius it is not only because of your mad math skills. It is because I respect your opinions and base of knowledge and because I trust you. I would trust you with my life.
You are usually the reasonable person of good judgment that I look to when I’m flipping out because I know that there is no chance you’re going to flip out right along with me.
You have no idea how much of a relief that is.
Still, I hope I do project the fact that you can lean on me, too. You are far less likely to talk about what ails you, but know that I am always here to listen and to support you.
One thing that has surprised me perhaps most of all is how much I love to touch you. Some internal barrier seems to have broken down and I am not horrified by a man’s close proximity to me! The shock of it all!
At the risk of sounding like one of those annoying clingy bitches, I sometimes think I could staple myself to you before going to sleep and happily remain that way until morning, feet included.
Yes, even my feet.
I don’t know what exactly has happened there, but I’m not going to bother trying to psychoanalyze it to death, because I am enjoying it too thoroughly. I love your body next to me all the time. I love playing with your hair. I love listening to your breathing grow harsh as you fall asleep.
And of course, I love the sex. But then I think you’re aware that we’re remarkably compatible in that regard.
What I am is happy and content, two states of being that I find extremely hard to come by, less so with a man, and I don’t know how better to thank you for that than to say that I love you, utterly, completely, so much that it thrills me every day.
To quote Ben Folds, I am the luckiest.
Laughing Muse wrote on 02/15/07 at 12:03 pm :
Congratulations, TranceJen!! Congratulations on meeting someone with whom you’re wonderfully content, congratulations for being adult enough to realize that you’re happy (I have problems with this), and congratulations to you for celebrating your contentment and love for This Dude while still being able to tell the Rabidly Commercial Interests Cabal to go spork themselves.
Alex wrote on 02/15/07 at 12:37 pm :
A joy to read! congrats!
dom wrote on 02/15/07 at 1:19 pm :
Hey Trance! What’s that over there!
Dude, if you’re reading this: you’re totally getting some tonight! *high five*
trancejen wrote on 02/15/07 at 1:29 pm :
LOL.
Bozoette Mary wrote on 02/15/07 at 2:54 pm :
Aw. Good for you; good for him.
Rumblelizard wrote on 02/15/07 at 3:29 pm :
:))) Nice, isn’t it?!
Congrats, babe, couldn’t have happened to a more deserving person.
Cruel Irony wrote on 02/15/07 at 4:28 pm :
Even the feet? Wow. I’m thrilled for you.
Melinda wrote on 02/15/07 at 4:36 pm :
all I could say was that for the first time in my life there is no drama or conflict
Dude, this is The Sign. In fact, my best friend of 25 years actually said those exact words about Kevin and I when she toasted us at our wedding…that she knew he was the one for me because ever since I met him, there’s been no more drama.
Hooray!
Kis/Christine wrote on 02/15/07 at 4:53 pm :
I could’ve written the same thing about a guy I dated in ‘99. I married him instead.
lilacorchid wrote on 02/16/07 at 10:13 am :
Nice to read this.
Erika wrote on 02/16/07 at 2:52 pm :
I am soooo thrilled for you!
dom wrote on 02/16/07 at 3:35 pm :
I’m off to Canada on business until Thursday, so I’m turning my diary over to a couple guest posters, if you feel like it. Optional assignment: “My favorite teenage/adolescent moment.” Have fun! (PG13 Thanks!)
Kungfukitten wrote on 02/17/07 at 1:30 am :
You made me all teary eyed. Bitch.
Meg wrote on 02/17/07 at 3:17 pm :
Jen, I’m so very happy for you.
Mish wrote on 02/18/07 at 7:58 pm :
i felt like you did when you were w/ the last guy. have since divorced and i must thank you for giving me hope that its possible.
biensoul wrote on 02/19/07 at 12:47 pm :
You DESERVE EVERY WONDERFUL, AMAZING THING THAT HAPPENS!!! I can’t wait to meet him, and I can’t wait to see you! Love you!
KelMcKel wrote on 03/9/07 at 8:13 pm :
That is precious. I could have written something very similar about my (new) husband, who gives me that deep down ache every time I think of him. It’s so awesome..that feeling. I’m so happy for you! Yay!
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