Archive for March, 2007
The White Spots.
Thursday, March 29th, 2007Bullshit and I both have strep throat. He has a hundred and four degree fever, and mine is a hundred and one.
Bullshit, winning the fever war.
My doctor is of course out of town for the damned week and the M.O. of the ghetto clinic is to find a doctor with a completely full schedule to […]
Success.
Tuesday, March 20th, 2007I know that I have expressed myself thoroughly and from the deepest recesses of my heart on this blog, because when people Google “how to love an anal-retentive person”, “embarrassing gas”, “where can I buy ass pads”, and “buttfest” (I am number one and number two for the last two, respectively - whoop whoop), they […]
Um Yeah, Second Opinion Time.
Tuesday, March 20th, 2007So I went to the endocrinologist yesterday and spent a hefty two hours in his office answering questions and having my blood pressure repeatedly monitored.
I was sort of thrilled, actually. Finally a doctor that appeared to give half a crap and actually spent some time talking to his patients! Had someone slipped me […]
“I’m Not A Witch…”
Monday, March 19th, 2007Brownie points to you if you know what movie the title quote is from.
Golfwidow mentioned me in a podcast, so people coming here for the first time got to read the charming little diatribe below.
Nice, huh? If you’re just tuning in, I’m bitter. I’m so bitter that I make those bitches in The […]
I Am Very Holy On This Sunday Afternoon.
Sunday, March 18th, 2007I passed out and cracked my eye on the coffee table, so now I have a lovely purple-and blue goose egg on my face and look like a Lifetime movie bitch.
“He didn’t mean it! He was aiming for the children and missed! He was drinking wood grain alcohol! He just loves me […]
The Pharmaceutical Industry Can Bite Me.
Thursday, March 15th, 2007I have reason to believe that the one Heartfuck medication that has actually been effective is aggravating my Fuckbrain, giving me daily migraines and terribly blurred vision and wearing me right the hell out, even though I should by all rights be sort of amped-up and hyper. These pills are like speed, but I […]
Spring Fashion and The Sound Of Screeching Children.
Tuesday, March 13th, 2007It is sixty-five motherfucking degrees.
Never mind the fact that it is actually going to swoop back down to a miserable twenty-nine degrees by the week’s end - right now it is a veritably balmy sixty-five, and I love it. Bring it on. My mom-ass capri pants and I are ready.
Yeah, I like capri […]
Not The Marshmallows.
Friday, March 9th, 2007I’m on some thing called 25 Peeps.
Since the photo theme there seems to be nudity, I’m the one holding the sign that says “No boobs, just blog.”
If you’d like, give me a click, which apparently increases my traffic from the site, for which I get…
…a shiny gold Mercedes.
Kidding.
I have no fucking idea. I get […]
Open Letter To The Elderly.
Friday, March 9th, 2007Dear Old-Ass Damned Old People,
I know you’re old, and I do respect that. I know I’m going to be old as fuck one day too (with any luck), and that young punk-ass people with tattoos and nose rings (or eyeball rings, or whatever they’re into at that time) are probably going to roll their […]
Classic Trance - Smokin’ Dope.
Friday, March 9th, 2007This a repeat from about four-five years ago and was also featured in the chapbook. It was moderately edited since publication for another project. Enjoy.
I scored some weed.
I suppose I should phrase that differently: “Duuuude, I totally scored some weed, maaaaan.”
I have a brain disease. I’ve been told that the whacky […]
