Robojaw.
June 22nd, 2007 by trancejen
Thank you, O Lord, for giving me the drug tolerance of a professional wrestler, because the damned dentist had to give me four mondo shots (why do those shots look like something out of the movie Hostel??) of Novocain before I started to numb up yesterday.
Now the left side of my face feels as if I have been hit in the jaw with a bat. Not by one of the Chicago Cubs, either (or one of this season’s sad White Sox batters) - by someone with actual skills.
It hurt, but thankfully I put on my big girl panties and was able to remain still and not run screaming from the room to collect the J-Man, who was sitting in the waiting room reading his Goosebumps books and probably getting no small amount of sick satisfaction from not being the one in the chair.
The dentist has pictures of huge golden retrievers, which he shows professionally, all over his office. They are his pride and joy, his babies. The last thing I need to see when I’m already terrified are photos of large rabid dogs with huge gaping jaws. I am not a fan.
They looked like they were smiling. Ha Haaaaaa, fuck you, human. I hope it hurts. Now throw me a ball and get me some Iams before I rip your kneecaps off.
“Pretty dogs,” I said. The dentist beamed.
I know where my bread’s buttered.
I like the dentist a lot, but what a weird hobby. He discussed the dog’s weight with the hygienist for a good ten minutes. Eighty-fucking-five pounds. That’s as much as my kid.
The thought makes my thighs turn to jelly, and not in the good way.
I know it’s irrational and that all you dog-lovers are probably going to jump all over my shit, but God, they terrify me. Anything that wants to ram its nose up my crotch and is not a biped just needs to go far, far away.
Plus, their scrabbling little claws… God.
OK. I’m fine now.
Moving on.
The J-Man is totally into reading these days and is spending a goodish amount of time face-down in Goosebumps books. I could not be more thrilled. He is also into the Golden Compass series, which was purchased for him in a wild fit of generosity by Bullshit’s mom, who I think would have bought the entire children’s section of Barnes and Noble for the kid had I allowed her to. Bullshit’s mom loves to see a good reader.
The J-Man has taken to Bullshit’s parents in a big way and truth be told, so have I. Bullshit’s mom is funny and neurotic and interesting, and his dad is smart and witty and laid back and very much the old-fashioned ideal of a dad; and they are both such kind people that it’s impossible not to love them.
We had a good time down in Bloomington.
Yesterday I surprised myself by hopping on the treadmill not once but twice for twenty-five minutes a pop.
I am Ironwoman. Hear me roar.
Happy Friday.
Rumblelizard wrote on 06/22/07 at 9:22 am :
Were you bitten by a dog at any point in your life, or do they just simply squick you out? I mean, not liking dogs is absolutely your perogative; pet preferences are entirely a matter of taste. But it sounds like your dislike has a reason at its core….I myself have a good excuse for not wanting to be around cats (aside from the fact that they’re evil undead Egyptian soldiers); I am seriously allergic to the little critters.
Girl, you seem to be feeling somewhat better, and that makes me glad.
Laura (the Live) wrote on 06/22/07 at 11:11 am :
Hey Jen–as per usual, fantastic post!
I am a dog and cat lover and do not push my love onto any other human being–Yet I am absolutely terrified of dobermen pincers (sp?), rottweilers and pit bulls…FREAK ME OUT.
By the way, I had tried to let you know yesterday but my post was eaten by the internet monsters…I received my lovely Elmo printed tote bag and sticker (for my laptop, of course) yesterday! And can I just say I am pleased as punch (strange saying…)! It took 8 days to get here (I had it shipped regular international to Canada). And there were no customs charges–YAY!
I just wanted to give back (and get cool shit–I’ve already received a bunch of positive feedback from strangers on the street lol)!
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