When It Hurts, Hit It With A Hammer.
July 11th, 2007 by trancejen
I stayed out until four AM with friends last night because I believe that the best way to handle being on a truly shitty roll is to get no sleep and make it even worse I sorely needed some karaoke therapy and realized that I have definitely gone from being one of the wild ones to one of the mild ones.
How do I know this? Let me break it down for you:
I was not the crazy girl whipping off her shirt on the dance floor (nor, thankfully, have I ever been that crazy or that drunk / stupid unsupervised by my friends) . I was the girl sitting at the bar cheering for the crazy girl’s friend who forced her to put it back on. Someone has to be the voice of reason, damn it! Cover those ta-tas, bitches, unless I’m paying for a lap dance. Nobody wants to see your crappy white cotton bra glowing under the blacklight as you drunkenly drool your way around the bar except for a bunch of slobbering frat boys/dirty old men who are all praying to get laid. Save yourself.
I was far, far more excited over the fact that someone found the fried tortilla chips in the bar kitchen than I was about cute men of any caliber being anywhere near me. This may also have something to do with my non-single status, sure, but at two AM I don’t care if Jude Law walks up in my face singing “Let’s Get It On” - fried tortilla chips?? And pickles?
Marvin Gaye never sang a song about bar food at two AM, but I wish he would have. Think “Drunk Stomach Healin’.” Have you ever drank too much on an empty stomach and felt, later, as if food is some sort of all-glorious, wondrous savior?
Marvin would know.
“Ooh, baby let’s get down tonight…
Baby, My gut burns like an oven
I need your lovin’
And baby, can’t hold my Jaeger much longer
It’s getting stronger and stronger
And when I get that feeling
I want Drunk Stomach Healing
Drunk Stomach Healing, oh baby
Makes me feel so fine
Though I done lost my mind
Drunk Stomach Healing, is good for me
Drunk Stomach Healing
is something that’s good for meWhenever my sobriety’s falling
And my emotional stability is leaving me
There is something I can do
I can go back in the kitchen and call you up baby, and Honey I know you’ll be there to relieve me
The carbs you give to me will free me
If you don’t know the things you’re dealing ohh
I Can tell you, darling, that it’s Drunk Stomach HealingGet up, Get up, Get up, Get up, White Castle tonight
Wake up, Wake up, Wake up, Wake up, ’cause they do it rightBaby I got sick this mornin’
A sea was storming inside of me and
Baby I think I’m capsizing
The beer is rising and rising
And when I get that feeling
I want Drunk Stomach Healing
Drunk Stomach Healing is good for me
Makes me feel so fine, it’s such a rush
Helps to relieve my guts, and it’s good for us
Drunk Stomach Healing, baby, is good for me
Drunk Stomach Healing is something that’s good for meAnd it’s good for me and it’s good to me
My baby ohhh
gimme pizza rolls, just grab a hold
Of my body and mind
soon we’ll be orderin’ fries
Honey, oh you’re doin’ fine
You’re my medicine open up and let me in
Darling, you’re so great
I can’t wait to go to Steak and ShakeGet up get up get up get up
White Castle tonight
wake up wake up wake up wake up
because they do it right.”
My most sincere apologies to Marvin, God rest his soul.
Another way I know I’ve gone over to the mild side is that the sound of the song “Booty Call” does not make me want to bounce out of my chair and dance. It makes me want to rip off someone’s face and feed it to a Rottweiler.
That song deserves to die a long, slow death, and everyone who still dances to it deserves to get smacked upside the head with a wet bathing suit. Thwap.
I’m pretty comfortable being mild rather than wild. I’m wild at times - with friends, when it counts. I still mosh around my basement, but my public moshing days are over. I no longer have any use for navy blue lipstick. My leather pants have not seen the light of day (and have not fit my big ass) since pre-J-Man.
I still rock.
On the floor.
During seizures.
Ha.
In other news, today I shall break new land speed records on the treadmill. Maybe. Or maybe I shall break new world records on the couch. One or the other.
Happy Wednesday.
Jen wrote on 07/11/07 at 11:15 am :
Wow! That’s some crazy karaoke! I’ve never seen people get so excited over such a feat.
Steph wrote on 07/11/07 at 11:41 am :
My sister’s friend is using “Booty Call” for her wedding party dance song at her reception. /cries
vedrqxgk itey wrote on 01/11/08 at 2:59 pm :
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