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August 13th, 2007 by trancejen
I am quitting smoking tomorrow with Bullshit, whose sister gets back from Amsterdam at that time - she who started all this let’s-quit-smoking mess. I am actually going to throw my heart and soul into this attempt and have already carefully crafted cigarette placebos out of Bic pen shells, but the problem is that I am already very, very crabby, and that is no way to start this thing.
I have not received child support since April and it is PISSING ME OFF since tuition is due, school clothes need to be purchased, my computer is about to take the big dirt nap and I need to buy a new one before that occurs, and of course I found out on MySpace of all places that The Shit just went and got himself MARRIED. Married. This is why I am not recieving my child support, people, because The Shit is wed and is about to go off and have some more fucking kids. Are you kidding me? He already has THREE - mine, and two from some previous sucker who probably isn’t getting support, either.
The reception hall people are getting my kid’s fucking child support. This pisses me off more than words can say.
The florist is receiving the money for my kid’s backpack and pencils. YOU DICK.
“Sorry, son, no X-Men lunchbox for you, because we needed centerpieces.” WHAT A COCKSUCKER.
I need to chill, obviously. Obviously I will pay for school supplies with or without the child support. Obviously I am being a bit of a drama queen about this. Obviously I just hate his fucking guts a little right now and hope he gets a massive paper cut to the eyeball while trying to seal thank-you note envelopes.
Obviously.
I also had a minor nervous breakdown this weekend regarding fat and its placement upon my body and now I am afraid to leave the house and am having a massive problem allowing anyone to look at me.
I don’t really know what happened, but I can best explain it by comparing it to being in the deep throes of anorexia as a teenager and being completely and psychotically paranoid of fat - I wanted it off, I wanted it gone, I was very close to wanting to literally cut it off, I was that mental.
I actually spent a good hour sobbing hysterically on my mother’s bed while she sat, shocked, probably wondering whether to call the whacko ward or dose me with some fucking Haldol.
Incidentally, the Haldol helped.
Neurosis, thy name is Jen.
I have been living with a plethora of body issues and food issues for many years now, but rarely do they rise to the surface so angrily and rapidly that it frightens me. Hopefully this was an isolated incident.
Today I am just making calls to the prosecutor’s office about child support, looking at computers online, trying to get shit together for school, and trying not to pass out. I also am making some jewelry for my father out of some great glass beads that he made in glass class.
My father, the creative genius.
Me, the stressball.
Happy Monday.
For-tart wrote on 08/13/07 at 4:46 pm :
Ha. Send the shit a wedding gift box with notice of late payment enclosed. That should get his honeymoon off to a great start.
Scott wrote on 08/13/07 at 11:10 pm :
Why, oh why do women want to marry repeat babydaddies who don’t pay their support? I’ll never understand it.
robin wrote on 08/14/07 at 3:20 am :
You know, I get the same way when in a relationship I suspect is going sour- I have complete panic attacks and breakdowns. Last week I was seeing this really great guy, I started to sniff that something was odd, and next thing I know I get out of bed and I can’t breathe, I feel like I’m going to be sick, I can’t sit still or stop crying. I broke up with him, it all went away.
I only have guesses as to why it happened, and absolutely no warning that it was coming. That was the worst part.
Kungfukitten wrote on 08/14/07 at 3:38 am :
Can you crash the wedding reception and take half the gifts? You may not get child support, but you could end up with $1,000 credit at Bed Bath and Beyond.
Robin wrote on 08/14/07 at 5:12 am :
I ‘officially’ got over my starving-myself phase quite a while ago, and I’m ‘officially’ pretty OK with my body image these days, but I still get those weird throwback attacks as well, when I can’t stand the sight of my own body and I can’t eat anything because I am so repulsive. It sucks. It passes, but it f&cking sucks.
Janet wrote on 08/14/07 at 8:11 am :
Jen, I quit smoking two and a half months ago using Chantix. I am on Medicaid and it actually pays for the prescription (which would otherwise be over $100/month). I was a hardcore smoker for over 20 years. I’m not sure of Chantix would interfere with any other medications you’re on, but it’s worth a call to the doctor- it works amazingly well.
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Not to sound like an asshole… But, why not call your’ boy’s daddy and threaten him with a court date, which will likely bankrupt him and ruin his marriage, should he not pay his dues?
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