Archive for February, 2008
Help.
Thursday, February 28th, 2008I have had a migraine for three days.
I am going to detach my head, hollow it out, and place a candle inside. Then I’m going to put it on the front porch steps. Jen-O’-Lanterns will become extremely popular, as will the holiday of Jenoween, during which schoolchildren all over the world will bleach […]
Carbs, Carbs, Carbs, I Am Boring.
Tuesday, February 26th, 2008I’m convinced that my printer is either an alien that has been sent down from space to capture information about the typical American family (boy, they fucked that mission up royally) or is possessed by the devil; because it keeps running and making odd noises and blooping and bleeping at strange, non-sequential times. The […]
Battling Mini-Lutherans.
Thursday, February 21st, 2008The Lutherans are generally a mild-mannered, pleasant bunch. They sing quietly and worship in a subservient manner, fitting the somewhat stern, “Catholic Lite” tenets of the church.
They drive their beige SUVs, name their children names like Brittany and Montana, and wear spiffy hundred-dollar running suits when joining the long queue of cars picking up […]
The Boob Tube and Meth Kitty.
Wednesday, February 20th, 2008I took so many pills yesterday that Britney Spears showed up at my door and said, “Girl, you need to lay off the drugs.”
Then she ate an Adderall, kicked one of my cats, and wandered off down the street in dirty Ugg boots muttering something about being late for a custody hearing.
The neighborhood continues to […]
Something the Fuck Or Other.
Tuesday, February 19th, 2008I would like nothing more than to close the door on this job shit and go, “Poof! Done!”, but I am no one if not a person who cannot stop this frothing at the computer, thereby making the story of a one-week job into an ExTreEm TaEl of WoE.
Such is blogging. The next […]
Once Again Unemployed.
Monday, February 18th, 2008Good things flit in and out of my life like butterflies alighting upon a pile of shit.
This sounds like a very dismal view to take and it probably is, but I am finding cheery optimism in short supply today. Plus I just had a needle inserted into my spine and I’m plain old fucking […]
Survival.
Wednesday, February 13th, 2008Thanks to our very recent fire, there is no longer a space heater in the TranceCave.
Thanks to this lack of space heaterage, I no longer have even the most minuscule molecule of heat available for me to cling to at night.
It is colder than a well-digger’s ass in the TranceCave, provided that said well-digger is […]
Workin’ For A Livin’ and My Fat vs. Your Fat.
Tuesday, February 12th, 2008I finished my first assignment (designer sunglasses, apparently we write for a plethora of websites including those selling sunglasses) and it went very, very well! I finished everything far ahead of schedule and my bosswoman liked everything very much and I am as happy as can be.
Right on, Trance Copywriter!
So soon I am on […]
The Carb, It Shall Be Cut.
Monday, February 11th, 2008Warning, boring food stuff ahead.
Since my history of crash dieting is long and insane and since my own brain tells me to do things like eat nothing but Cheerios sans milk for months on end, I have decided to go the route of a friend and cut carbs in the hopes that we can do […]
Gainfully Employed.
Monday, February 11th, 2008So today I start my job. I believe I look very polished and professional in my powder blue pajama pants with the hems torn out, my bleach-stained black t-shirt, and my furry red socks. This is the future of the working woman’s wardrobe, doubt it not. Soon offices will be chock-full […]
