Battling Mini-Lutherans.
February 21st, 2008 by trancejen
The Lutherans are generally a mild-mannered, pleasant bunch. They sing quietly and worship in a subservient manner, fitting the somewhat stern, “Catholic Lite” tenets of the church.
They drive their beige SUVs, name their children names like Brittany and Montana, and wear spiffy hundred-dollar running suits when joining the long queue of cars picking up the kids at the end of the school day.
The women smile bright “Hi-how-are-ya-good-to-see-ya” smiles in church; the men shake hands. These are friendly people.
I have talked about all of this before, all of this apple-pie goodness, this Midwestern wholesomeness, this off-white-walls sort of Lutheran-ness.
As much as I tease, this is why I pay a hefty chunk of change of tuition for my kid to go to a Lutheran school. I want the J-Man to grow up in a polite, sterile, environment where people actually say “please” and “thank you”. I want the rules to be so stringent and the application process to be so ridiculous that there is no need for a metal detector in the hallway. I want to know that my kid is safe and that the teachers actually really care about the children. I like the fact that good values and morals are being taught.
It’s a little… beige, but I can compensate for that at home.
The reports I have been getting lately, however, are starting to disturb me. The kids in the fourth grade seem to be taking a stand against all of this Lutheranism and are developing the mouths of little truckers.
The word “fag” is being tossed around with aplomb. Now the J-Man knows that he will get horse-whipped should the word “fag” ever exit his lips, so he came home somewhat cowed, telling me what was being said in hushed tones. So-and-so called so-and-so the “f” word!
Naturally I assumed he meant something quite different.
We eventually got it straightened out, but I was irked. Was this not why I was paying all this tuition - to have my child protected from the shitty language that ran rampant in public schools??
Another incident soon followed. The J-Man’s friend Fargo was talking to him in class, and a little girl, Foo-Foo, called him a fag. The kid turned around and said, “Whatever. You’re a broke-ass bitch.”
She then slapped him right across the face.
The teacher witnessed this entire incident and was already running toward them with detention slips by the time it ended.
A broke-ass bitch? What are these kids, gangsters?
A broke-ass bitch. And fag. That’s really something the kids need to be learning in the fourth grade. Homophobia! Great. Good.
Once again I was outraged that my tuition dollars were going to an institution that fed the minds of such godless little heathens. What the hell? I mean, why not toss the J-Man to the public school wolves?
I was certainly no angel in parochial school (although I had not yet become a threat to the public safety at that tender age), but there was a certain fear we had as Lutheran children that I just don’t feel the current crop possesses.
We weren’t afraid of the teachers per se, because you must remember they were nice old Lutherans; but we were deeply afraid of Getting In Trouble. I went to parochial school from kindergarten until the eighth grade and I can honestly tell you I only used a curse word one time up until I graduated.
That one time was when I was ten and I had a vicious migraine, and, freaking out, I told my mother to take me to the damned doctor. I thought she was going to have a serious heart attack right there on the green shag carpeting, and after I dropped the bomb I cried like a baby.
I obviously swear like a fucking truck driver today, but back then I was deeply afraid that the fiery pits of hell would open up and swallow me whole if I uttered so much as a “damn”.
Running in the halls was prohibited, and if you ran or even walked too fast, you had to go back and walk the entire hallway. If you were late for class due to this walking, you got a detention.
Nobody ran.
Hair had to be kept short and neat for boys, reasonably neat and unadorned for girls. We kept the shit neat.
There just was a certain fear of wrongdoing that I find the J-Man’s posse lacks. It’s not just the fear, either, it’s the honest desire to want to do well. These kids don’t want to participate in the science fair, they don’t want to win the reading contest, they don’t want to do a real bang-up job on their book reports. They just want to get it done in a slop-shit sort of way and turn it in. My own kid gets excellent grades, but I really don’t think he gives much of a shit. He just happens to be smart.
Maybe I was plunked into a class of overachieving weirdos and I most certainly was one myself, but I don’t get these children. They seem sluggish and reluctant to enjoy their schoolwork.
Plus, the fighting and the swearing and the attitudes. Good Lord.
I’m sure I sound like an old woman who walked uphill both ways to school in the snow, but damn, it’s frightening.
Maybe I’m being thoroughly unrealistic in wanting a gaggle of angelic, clean-mouthed kids in today’s world. I just am surprised by the fact that the bland, beige Lutherans have spawned such a group of spitfires.
If anything, I’d think it would be my kid doing all the hell-raising.
Happy Thursday.
Poppy wrote on 02/21/08 at 4:54 pm :
I think there’s something to be said that different classes of kids behave differently. My graduation class were all overachieving freakazoids with the classwork, good behavior, and insane participation in extracurricular activities (this is not to say we were all perfect - there’s always going to be a few bad apples). The class behind us was filled with a bunch of back-talking brats who could not seem to care less about their classwork or student government or any of that stuff. I think it goes in waves. Any chance the class ahead of the J-Man is better? maybe with some tutoring or summer school he could move up a grade - although that can have its own stigma and problems.
Val wrote on 02/21/08 at 5:00 pm :
Hey, if you think 4th graders are bad, take a look at some of the blogs left by my 7th graders’ myspace friends. Trust me, when they are using the abominable “f” word, that I never would have thought of using even as a 12th grader, they are not saying, “fag”. I was jus talking to Rich the other day about this and how I really hope my daughter is not out there in the public, out of my view, acting like a ghetto-hoe and talking like one. It’s really sad to know that our children are growing up in a time where all of this behavior is acceptable and there is no shocking reactions from their parents. Just threaten the J-man with the whiffle ball bat and trust me, he will be squeaky-clean for the rest of his childhood days! Happy Thursday, Jen!!!
Jen wrote on 02/22/08 at 3:02 am :
This is of an obviously smaller scale, but I too send the wee one to a Lutheran school. He’s only in pre-school right now, but imagine my horror when he started shaking around sort of Peewee Herman-esque and chanting, “Shake you bootie.” I realize that’s not that big of a deal but he’s a little kid! Maybe I’m turning into my mother…
Nancy wrote on 02/22/08 at 9:19 am :
I read this on thesmokinggun.com
I cannot believe the stupid parents would argue for their 13 yr olds right to “free speech” in court and allow him access to a computer EVER again! http://www.thesmokinggun.com/archive/years/2008/0221081principal1.html
Hostrauser wrote on 02/22/08 at 1:20 pm :
“Lacking the honest desire to want to do well.” You just summed up the entire problem with many of today’s youths in one concise sentence.
Lola wrote on 02/23/08 at 3:55 pm :
You know what Jen, I agree with you completely. In fact I think I would be ever more incensed if one of my kids came home with that particular f word in their vocabulary because I personally find it to be such an abhorrent term. (Of course if the work f***k flew out of their mouths I would have to look no further than yours truly to know where they got it from, but umm that’s a completely different issue…)
Is it even worth it to call a conference with J-Man’s teacher and demand a powwow over stuff like this? Perhaps the Lutherans need to get a little more picky with the application process over there. I know your Mom isn’t a big fan of the Catholics, but from what I recall of my years in Catholic school the consequences for even thinking about bad words, bad deeds, etc was enough of a deterrent for all but the boldest of my classmates.
Oy, I shudder to think how it will be by the time my two are old enough for proper schooling.
Amanda wrote on 02/25/08 at 10:48 am :
Wait until he starts Middle School! Good grief, I am simply astonished by the things my son comes home and tells me. He was just telling me this weekend about 2 girls fighting and one of them getting a BROKEN NOSE! In fucking middle school!
Alana wrote on 02/26/08 at 10:04 am :
come back to us!
Dannielle wrote on 02/28/08 at 8:24 am :
I feel your pain. My eight-year-old boy asked me what “butt-rape” means the other day. I was aghast. Apparently, my 12-year-old niece taught him that as well as such linguistic gems as “man ho” and that the word “gay” is a useful insult. My kid doesn’t like to hurt people’s feelings, so he doesn’t use those words (yet). He just reports them and asks their meaning.
Even though I’ve threatened to rip the hot pink highlights out of my spoiled niece’s head, she has not stopped. She thinks it’s hilarious and doesn’t give a shit.
It’s as if kids today think they are starring in their own sitcoms or reality shows. It’s fun to watch smart-ass kids belittle adults on TV. But, when they’re disdainfully rolling their sarcastic little eyes at me, I want to pluck them out with a fork.