Trannies and MummyMethKitty.
March 10th, 2008 by trancejen
I had a nice weekend. Friday night I actually got up off of my fat (less fat, eleven pounds down!) ass and left the house to go see a friend of a friend sing at a nearby art gallery.
Afterward, fearing that too much culture would seep into our blood, said friend and I met my father out at a karaoke bar in an extremely bad neighborhood that seemed to cater to transvestites.
Rock. Never would I have figured my father for picking out such a cool little dive. And they offered two-dollar beers to boot!
Two-dollar beers!! If I were not on a diet, I may have moved in.
Trannies in the ‘hood wearing bad wigs and purple eyeshadow are enough to make my heart smile. Trannies in the ‘hood wearing bad wigs and purple eyeshadow that sing show tunes?? Pure gold, baby. Pure gold.
I love and am fascinated by transvestites. You are fucking fabulous and I admire your guts. Let’s talk about makeup.
The bar patrons loved my father and his renditions of popular dance tunes, too. My dad is always a hit whether belting out Rick Astley’s “Never Gonna Give You Up” or Akon’s “It Don’t Matter”.
Yeah, Akon. He also does Eminem. My father, the rap master. The Notorious J. E. W.
We also got MethKitty back from the vet this weekend. We brought her in just to have her declawed, but since the vet suggested we have her spayed at the same time we decided to take him up it. She did fine throughout the surgeries, but afterward she apparently was not down with the stitches and - gulp - gnawed them off.
I find that so completely abhorrent that I can’t even think about it for more than a few seconds.
Poor little gut-splayed kitty.
Gack.
OK.
Breathing.
Anyway, in order to prevent this from happening again, the vet wrapped her from armpits to hips like a little mummy. She has to keep the bandages on for ten days.
How this is going to be possible with the constant chewing of gauze that is going on, I have no idea. Since the cat has arrived home I have done nothing but chase it around the house attempting to pry its poor little face off of the bandages. When I’m not doing that, I’m trying to shove a dropperful of antibiotics down its tiny quivering throat.
If you’ve ever tried to give a cat medicine, you know what I’m talking about: Grab cat, who always seems to know what is about to come. Hold cat between knees in wrestling-like maneuver. Pry cat’s mouth open while cat bares teeth and grimaces in defiance. Shove medicine into squirming, squealing cat’s maw while simultaneously blowing into cat’s face so that cat will swallow. Let angry cat go. Stare in amazement as cat comes back, purring. Cats have tiny, forgetful brains.
For this reason, the cat does not hate me and sleeps curled up next to my pillow, purring furiously. This does nothing to assuage my guilt.
Sometimes it’s harder to mother the cat than it is to mother the kid. The J-Man and I spent a good four hours building a giant Lego ship from a kit and it went very well indeed except for the fact that we were missing several important parts. The J-Man intends to write to the Lego company to protest. I intend to join him due to the fact that Lego directions are so small and hard to read that I think I have now lost about forty percent of my remaining eyesight and now need a dog and a fucking white-tipped cane.
Happy Monday. Hug a tranny.
sooboo wrote on 03/10/08 at 4:43 pm :
Sounds like methkitty needs a renaissance collar. You’ll enjoy hours of fun watching her try to back out of it! Your dad may need his own reality show. I’d watch it!
QueenBoxingFan wrote on 03/10/08 at 9:21 pm :
Hey Jen..the collar does work wonders! My kitty did the same thing and her guts were hanging out. It was quite nasty! After a week with the collar, she was healed up nicely. Good luck!
carl wrote on 03/10/08 at 9:44 pm :
You do lead a fun life after all!
I would hug a trany, but they are hard to find where I live.
Amanda wrote on 03/11/08 at 5:02 am :
http://glam-racket.blogspot.com/2007/09/to-d-renegade-jew.html
I thought you should know he exists…plus as far as the cat meds go, go to the pet store and get pill pockets. They smell horrible but the cat will enjoy them.
Kari wrote on 03/11/08 at 5:54 pm :
My Mother In Law gets Jamie a leggo set for his birthday, and two years in a row they have been missing not one, not two, but three major parts. Leggo just sucks on that front I’m afraid. Good luck to the J-man on getting his missing parts.
John in Phoenix wrote on 03/11/08 at 10:47 pm :
Ahhhh mine dah-link girl !
Trannys/dragqueens do rule, I agree. AND AND AND you lost 11 pounds ta boot. Good for you Jen. You seem to be getting out again and that is a GOOD thing.
I survived the Cancer surgery thank god. Doc said that it was spreading but he *thinks* that he got all of it out of my body. Robotic surgery was amazingly fast. Home in two days from the hospital. Now I’m stuck *literally* with a damn catheter for 2 weeks. If you ever want to hobble someone in a serious way…catheter baby.
Love you lady -
John in Phoenix
Mike wrote on 03/12/08 at 3:16 am :
Hey hun!!! So where is there ghetto tranny karaeoke in Chicago?!? I’ve been looking for some place to terrify the mom when she comes here and that sounds just like it
Lola wrote on 03/15/08 at 12:57 pm :
Ok, you HAVE to tell me where this bar is. I’m also dying of curiosity.
Please?!
Hope you are well.
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