Worker Bees.
May 29th, 2008 by trancejen
So we’re having the house scraped and painted and we are also having a brand-new pointy garage roof put on because our old flat one was falling in. Thank you, low-interest home improvement loans.
I like all this work going on because generally I’m alone all week and now there are people fluttering about the place nailing and scraping (the nailers and scrapers have yet to be at our place at the same time but I am already imagining a West Side Story-type throwdown complete with tools and Rod Stewart music). People! I like the people. I like to offer them beverages. Would you care for a cold Sprite? I will bring it to you.
The other day I had an interesting conversation with one of the roof-builders, a young guy with neck tattoos who described his living room which is “totally done up in Scarface”. Apparently he has Scarface window blinds, a Scarface rug, and even a Scarface coffee table. I want to see this so badly and take pictures that I itch. My own living room with its boring boring beige couch must seem so mundane in comparison! Imagine seeing Al Pacino every morning when one opens the blinds!
The thing I don’t like about having all these people around is that I cannot be myself. I cannot schlump around in no bra, breasts swinging haphazardly to and fro as is my wont during the working week. There are people around that would surely be offended by my lack of proper chesticular support.
The other day I was caught in the midst of a rather embarrassing conversation. The kitten, overly social animal that she is, enjoys being petted while she is eating her food. Since I am a patsy who finds this strange fetish endearing I am often ready to oblige. As a result, whenever I come into the kitchen I am greeted with loud notes of praise and supplication. Mama! Come and pet me while I eat. I love food and love.
Food and love. I mean, wouldn’t we all enjoy a nice rubdown while having a slice of delicious pizza?
“Rrrrreet!”
“Oh, kitty, little kitty. Thassa gooooood little kitty. Awwwww.”
“Rrrrrowr!”
“Oh, yes! Is a gooood kitty. Loves her food. Oh, yes. Who’s a fat kitty? Yes! Is a fat kitty! But is so preeeeetty. Yes!”
“Reet!”
“Food and love! Food and love! Food and love! Yes! Her loves-”
*knockknockknock*
“Fuck!”
“Reet?”
At that point I realized that the roofer guy had come inside the front screen door and was ten feet away, knocking on the inside of my wide-open front door for something.
He had the good grace not to laugh at me in person.
I feel like the window scrapers are watching me. I realize that this makes me sound slightly schizophrenic, but every time I walk through the house there’s a head in one of my windows and I imagine they’re thinking, “Damn, that bookshelf is cluttered,” or “Damn, she twitches her right leg a lot,” or “Damn, I’m going to have to look up that website when I get home.”
Maybe I’m just being paranoid.
I would like to make a move to donate some new music. They’re still playing Rod Stewart. Now while I’m sure Rod is a great guy and fine and fluffy for the older set, the rhythm of my heart is not beating like a drum, I have nothing to say to Maggie, and no, I do not want his body, nor do I think he is sexy.
Ease up on the Rod, scrapers.
Happy Thursday.
lilacorchid wrote on 05/29/08 at 9:16 am :
My friend’s resuce kitty did (does) that too. Apparently in the pound they only had time to pet the kitties when they were eating. Its funny, Kitty won’t start eating until my friend is patting her.
Alana wrote on 05/29/08 at 9:24 am :
happy monday on this thursday to you too
trancejen wrote on 05/29/08 at 10:07 am :
I can’t believe I just did that. LOL
sooboo wrote on 05/29/08 at 2:33 pm :
“totally done up in Scarface” This made my day. My mean cat likes to be pet while she eats too. It’s the only time she likes it. How can I say no?
misha wrote on 05/29/08 at 4:59 pm :
when my mean cat was younger (he is much nicer now) he would only love me when I was cleaning his litter box. As soon as I got a second cat (the sweet terrified one) he stopped doing it. But he did/does like her.
misha wrote on 05/29/08 at 5:03 pm :
ooh - I love the pointy garage thing and i hate handy men around. which sucks b/c my place needs some Serious Work.
fredlet wrote on 05/30/08 at 9:32 pm :
Bunny now jumps out of her bed when I pat her to go eat. Then she looks at me like “Well?” and wants me to pet her when she eats.
Of course, she purrs so hard she almost can’t eat.
(I’m just glad she’s eating at this point! But it is kind of hilarious)
warcrygirl wrote on 06/10/08 at 9:13 pm :
What, no Hot Legs? “I love ya HONEY!!!!”
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