I am Omni-Mom.
June 4th, 2008 by trancejen
It is June and once again I am insured, thanks be to Medicare Part D! I am quite thankful, because although samples fulfilled most of my medication needs I have been without both pain medication and sleeping pills. This has left me one crabby, backachy, wide-awake “sumuma”, to coin a Bernie Mac-ism.
A lot is going on what with home renovations and last week of school picnics and oh my God Mom I need a seven-ton Tupperware container today so that I can bring home all my school stuff, did I mention that, and I also needed to bring three two-liters of rootbeer and eight permission slips yesterday and also I need new roller skates cause mine don’t fit and also protective gear because we have to have it and I need it for today so GET RIGHT ON THAT MOM.
One thing that I have tried very hard to instill in the J-Man’s brain is that I am psychic and know all, see all, and hear all. I am aware of every dirty deed, rotten thought, and troubled inkling that crosses the child’s path. I can see through walls, surprising him by yelling, “EAT OVER YOUR PLATE,” “STOP MESSING WITH THE CAT,” “GET OUT OF THAT DRAWER,” et cetera. Even though I am considered partially deaf in one ear I can hear the slightest indication of Screwing Around and put a stop to it. I have been successful in my endeavors. He believes that I am indeed omniscient, and there is a healthy amount of fear there. Go, me.
This has, however, backfired in a sense. Since I am purportedly the Great Grand All-Seeing Mother I am supposed to know when a permission slip was due or when something else was supposed to be sent to school or when the karate fees have become dangerously overdue. I may be omniscient but I am not organized, and I am even less so when I am uninformed.
“But Mom, I thought you KNEW.”
“Of course I did.”
I find that I lie more as a parent in one week than I did in my previous lifetime.
“You can’t eat sugar cereal because sugar bugs are in it, and they will eat your teeth.”
“You can’t ride your bike around the block because someone will take you.” (possibly not a lie)
“You can’t have a cellphone until you’re 16 because it’s the law in this neighborhood.”
“You can’t use my laptop because it isn’t charged.”
“If you eat ice cream before you go to bed, you will have a stomachache.”
“Skim milk comes from white cows.”
I am entirely full of shit, and I dread the day he realizes this. The J-Man will be ten on the thirteenth, so I feel that day is coming soon.
We are having a pool party for the J-Man’s birthday. My house will be overrun with psychotic ten-year-olds in dripping bathing suits. Obviously, I cannot wait.
Save me.
In other news, I am working on tax documents to get certified as a business so that I can once again work. This involves paying myself a salary, which I guess is cool with disability, and money will be paid into the business, and I can even write off business expenses. I’m very excited about this.
I am also soon going to be selling some shit on eBay, some handmade jewelry and some little knitted iPod/cellphone cases and purses. I’ll announce it here once that stuff goes up for auction.
I’m sort of excited about this summer. Things are looking good.
Happy Wednesday. Prepare for the infestation of children.
Gwensarah wrote on 06/4/08 at 8:01 pm :
Hahaha this made me laugh my ass off. Rymer still really suspects that I have eyes in the back of my head or some other super power for exactly the same reasons. Although he did once say, “How come you can see EVERYTHING that I do and know EVERYTHING but you had to ask how many fourths are in a cup.” So he might be starting to get wise to me.
Bozoette Mary wrote on 06/5/08 at 12:59 pm :
Skim milk doesn’t come from white cows; it comes from translucent cows.
Kim wrote on 06/6/08 at 7:45 am :
I have a question I’ve been wanting to ask you for awhile; not sure if you want to answer which is cool. I was on quite a bit of pain medication for awhile, and by awhile I mean over a year. I know this is nothing compared to what you’ve been through, but I was wondering - when you are forced to go off of it do you experience withdrawal? I had a serious problem with it and it scared the crap out of me because there’s probably going to be more pain medication in my future.
trancejen wrote on 06/6/08 at 11:11 am :
I didn’t experience any withdrawal because I don’t take it every day. I take a non-narcotic pain medication (Lyrica) every day, but as far as the narcotic stuff goes I try to keep it to only a couple of times per week and only if I really really need it because I’m worried about the same thing! You might want to check into the Lyrica thing - it really does help.
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