Put On A Little Makeup.
July 3rd, 2008 by trancejen
I generally don’t don’t wear makeup to go to the doctor’s office because, well, why the hell should I? Who would I be trying to impress? Certainly not the man being paid two hundred and fifty dollars for twelve minutes of his precious, precious time, as he could not give less of a shit how I look, right?
Wrong. He cared, and everyone cared. Apparently I should wear makeup every damned second of my life no matter what the social situation, because people nearly lost their chicken-plucking minds.
I actually threw on a little eyeliner and lipstick today for shits and grins - just because I felt better this morning and it behooved me to do so. No big thing. A little eyebrow definition, as mine are the sad pale brows of the natural blonde, and a little mascara. A little red lip gloss. I didn’t look like a five-dollar hooker when I was done. I looked like me, but awake and with actual definition, like God finished the fucking job.
First I went to physical therapy. The woman at the appointment counter stared at me.
“God, you look different.”
“I know. I dyed my hair back to its natural color.”
“No, it’s your FACE!! You look so DIFFERENT!! GOD!!”
I reddened. It wasn’t as if I’d had a fucking nose job.
My physical therapist had more of the same.
“Girl, you look so PRETTY. Who you all prettied up for??”
The kicker was when I went to the shrink. Now my shrink is famous for wanting to pile the meds on and pile them high.
I had no idea that this had everything to do with my outwardly haggard and pale appearance.
“Jenny-fahr!! Look at you!! You look so good!! You are looking very well!! Come in, sit down!!”
“Hi.”
“You are doing good, yes?”
“I’m doing OK.”
“You look great!!”
“I’m doing OK.”
“I think we take you off the Abilify and the Lexapro.”
“Uh-Uh-Uh-”
“Because you doing so well.”
“NO.”
“What?”
“I mean, no. I don’t think so. Not a good idea, right now. Not just yet. Maybe in a few weeks or something.”
Was this guy kidding me? He knew my history. Toss a little lipstick and eyeliner into the mix and I’m cured?
I agreed to cut down on one of the pills - the Abilify - on a trial basis because hell, I would like to get off of some of these meds if I can, but not my anti-depressants. I am going to hold onto those MF’ers like they’re life rafts.
So keep in mind, ladies, don’t go without makeup. Your health may depend on it one day.
Happy Thursday.
The ex-RL wrote on 07/5/08 at 4:21 pm :
That’s funny, because before the last sentence of your entry, I was thinking, “Okay, the moral is… never ever wear make-up.” That’s what I got out of it. Same solution, less work for me. (See, if they don’t know what you COULD be, they like what you are.) God, I’m lazy. Oh, and also, pregnant. I’m scared. Help.
Trance wrote on 07/5/08 at 7:30 pm :
Congratulations!!! Oh my God!!! Awesome.
me wrote on 07/6/08 at 9:31 pm :
Yeah, never change your appearence and go to any doctor. You can be in the depths of the crapper and they see a bit of aparkle and that’s all she wrote. I didn’t know mascara was the new cure for Diabetes.
cosmic wrote on 07/8/08 at 6:13 pm :
Hey lady. I haven’t seen you in my google reader in forever. I checked and is looks like I haven’t gotten an rss feed from you since January 29th. I’ve read since then just by clicking on your name in the reader, but it doesn’t update. Do you have any idea why not?
Mo wrote on 07/10/08 at 3:06 pm :
Lol, this is awesome. I can’t say that I knew this before, but have just learned it from your blog and now will wear my sweatpants and hoodies everywhere instead of every prettying up, lol.
MRSkitten wrote on 07/31/08 at 1:11 pm :
Doctor Logic at it’s best. Your mistake was going TOO far. Maybe pink not red gloss?
Previously I’d noticed to my detriment the medical establishment doesn’t really want you to betray how awful things really are and indifferently brand you as a “not trying” or “drug-seeker” (even if you’ve never asked in a misguided effort to tough out on your own because the reponse to your pain descriptions is “take a tylenol”). For chronic nerve pain.
So, when seeing pain specialist next I did nothing for three days previous so I’d be in as pain-free state as possible and wore a flirty top and with a big fake smile.
Found out noted chart that visit “substantial improvement”! Um. No. But he wrote a scrip to replace the 60 Norcos got six months previous. Still had ‘em not because things so great but even 2 don’t help well enough to be worth miserable side effects so use only in last-resort desperation, something I point out on every single visit. All those wretched appointments in uncontrolled pain never registered (in makeup but unsurprisingly not smiling or wearing cute outfit). But a fake smile and flirty top gets me a more powerful painkiller for supposedly “substantial improvement”! Doctor Logic…