Guess How Much I Paid For This!! GUESS!!
July 31st, 2008 by trancejen
I was talking to a friend the other day about a certain disease I have that involves both bargain shopping and diarrhea of the mouth.
I love to bargain shop. I am the Target discount rack queen, and I also shop their internet clearance page frequently. I believe that paying full price for something is sick, sick, sick; and I also shop at *sigh* Family Dollar.
I’m broke! What do you want?
The items I buy are not necessarily of the quality but perhaps I am wearing them well, because I do frequently get complimented on my shit. This is nice, you know? Makes me blush a little. I have not, however, learned to properly accept a compliment in my thirty-four years. I have never once said, “Why, thank you!” or “Gee, that’s so nice of you!” or “How swell of you, and may I say I admire your spiffy attire as well!”
Instead, I scream, “IT WAS ONLY TWELVE DOLLARS, FIFTY PERCENT OFF AT TARGET!!” or “I actually bought this at FAMILY FUCKING DOLLAR!!” or “I tore this off of a homeless guy’s neck at the Red Line station!!”
I am met with smiles and nods and looks of slight puzzlement.
Recently I went to a handbag party and bought a big fake Dolce and Gabbana bag that I love and take absolutely everywhere, and everywhere I go, people comment on the bag. They love it. They want to know where I got it. They want one just like it.
This gives me a perfect opportunity to scream “I GOT IT AT A HANDBAG PARTY!!! IT IS TOTALLY FAKE!! IT WAS ONLY FORTY BUCKS!!”
I’ve had two people actually give me their phone numbers in case I get invited to another handbag party. I’ve had one bitch give me a totally snobby look as if the bag was worthless since it was a fake. Sorry to crap in your bathwater, bitch. I can’t imagine paying five hundred dollars for a fucking bag even if I had money spewing forth from every orifice. I’m sure Dolce and Gabbana bags are fabulous, but the closest I will ever get to one is the fakeity fake fake hanging from my closet doorknob.
I’m really trying to chill out and not give everyone who tells me I look nice a rundown on how I buy everything on the cheap, but if you ever see me, try to compliment my hair or something.
Oh, never mind that. I get my hair cut for free.
I guess I’m just a walking bargain bin.
Maybe one day I’ll win the Publisher’s Clearinghouse and start throwing money around like crazy and I’ll be shy about how much I’m spending.
Until then I must inform you that the tank top I’m wearing cost three dollars. Rock.
Happy Thursday.
Missicat wrote on 07/31/08 at 2:12 pm :
God, we must be related, I do the same thing! I just CANNOT help myself! Pay full price? meh!
karla wrote on 07/31/08 at 3:06 pm :
Me likey the Tar-jay. I don’t care. I tell anyone who asks exactly how much I paid and where I got it. I have kids dammit and a house to run and bills to pay, I don’t have 325 bucks to waste on shoes I will only wear occasionally, I can however spare 23.99 on a kick ass dress that looks like a million bucks even though the thought of spending anything over 20 dollars for myself makes me breaks me out in hives. Rock on Jen. Rock on.
melissa wrote on 07/31/08 at 4:05 pm :
Hehehe!
You rule.
melissa wrote on 07/31/08 at 4:08 pm :
Oh, and no offense, but whenever anyone says “tar-jay” it makes me want to cry. Mind, I used to work there, and whenever ANYONE asked where I worked and I said “Target”, they’d say “Oh, tar-jay!”, and look really pleased with themselves like they invented the phrase.
Or maybe I just really hated having to tell people I worked at Target. Hmmm….
Whew. Sorry. Had to get that off my chest. =)
Cristy wrote on 07/31/08 at 4:21 pm :
I was in Target the other day & heard the employees refer to it as Tar-jay.
fredlet wrote on 07/31/08 at 9:18 pm :
You know what I love?
$3.94 price tags… gives me a friggin’ orgasm!
(and I’m sure you heard me at Green Bay talking about my super-deal 100% merino wool sweaters from the clearance rack…it is teh awesome!)
sooboo wrote on 08/1/08 at 12:48 am :
I also love sharng my bargains but in image consious LA, you can imagine how that goes over. For some reason, that doesn’t stop me at all.
Nancy wrote on 08/1/08 at 6:12 am :
You think your tanktop is cheap…..check out this pic snapped outside an Alabama Walmart! Now that’s inventive!http://13gb.com/pictures/3176/
lilacorchid wrote on 08/1/08 at 8:40 am :
I do that too.
“I KNOW! Isn’t it great! AND I STILL GET TO BUY GROCERIES THIS WEEK TOO!!!”
Trance wrote on 08/1/08 at 11:44 am :
Nancy, that’s hilarious…LOL
julie wrote on 08/1/08 at 11:59 am :
i do the exact same thing!!! i get nearly all of my business/work clothes at wal-mart or ross, and whenever someone comments on one i feel the need to tell them “ross! 8 bucks!” (or insert name of store and price.) heh.
Erika wrote on 08/1/08 at 2:17 pm :
People keep telling me about these handbag parties, BUT NO ONE WILL SHARE! I want to go to one sooo bad! Too bad I live in Fl, way to far to give you my number for the next one you are invited to.
Julie wrote on 08/2/08 at 3:41 pm :
Hopefully this will not be TMI, BUT………
I was recently hospitalized for 5 days here in Orlando for what I THOUGHT was Irritable Bowel Syndrome in relation to my Fibromyalgia. I have had diahrrea for months now, on and off, and when the tested my Poop (nice, huh?), they came in and immediately quarantined my ass for what is called “C DIFF” infection. An abbreviation for some, obviously, highly contagious gastrointestinal infection causing diahrrea, obviously, as well. They put me on antibiotics, which I HATE, cuz they tend to cause my face to break out horribly, etc, etc….
ANYWAYS…..I did some research on “C DIFF” and found out….GET THIS!…..that it is caused by HOSPITALIZATIONS!!! Nurses that don’t wash their hands properly, bedding not changed properly in between patients, etc……I was shocked!
So, after I was released, I ended up right back in the E.R. I informed the Triage Nurse about my recent education re: “C DIFF” and about how hospitals are the cause and how almost 100 people have died the last year from “C DIFF”…..she, of course, told me, “Oh, No!….blah, blah, blah…..”. I was rushed to my E.R. room, regardless of the poor fools that had been waiting hours. Hmm….The Dr. saw me quicky. Hmmm… I was given not one, but TWO, nice IV injections of yummy Dilaudid to “make me comfortable”…..yeah, uh huh. They tested me blood and said my infection was clearing up but to stay on the stinkin antibiotics.
I have, however, filled out a “claim form” on the website that educated me. Have yet to hear back from them…..I will let you know…..
SO….story being….should you or anyone you know have chronic diahrea, please have them look into this nasty “C DIFF”. Hopefully, you will not have to go thru what I have.
Try to stay healthy, Jen!!!!! You are in my prayer…….
The ex-RL wrote on 08/3/08 at 1:27 am :
Wait, you’re not SUPPOSED to respond with, “50 cents - Goodwill!” when someone compliments your gray skirt? Seriously? Not that I can wear that pencil-styled mofo anymore. Stupid pregnancy. Things are going well on that front. 3 month ultrasound last week. Damn thing looks like a baby, with arms and legs, ribs and a spine and everything. What’s with the diarrhea diatribe up there? I’m scared.
Brenda wrote on 08/4/08 at 12:18 am :
Snort. I thought I was the only one who did this. Yesterday a well-dressed lady at TJ Maxx (I know, the BEST bargains ever, right? I’m talking the clearance racks here. Clearance on clearance items!… anyhow) complimented me on my purse. I actually popped it open to show her the Goodwill price tag ($1.99) still stuck inside. She backed away slowly, if you know what I mean.
freejeremy wrote on 08/4/08 at 5:28 am :
i share that particular disability. i’ve tried to train myself better, though. if at all possible, i will try to think of a compliment that i can give in return. if not, i will usually brush it off in some glib manner, like:
“stem-cell injections. you can get them in calcutta now. fantastic.” or
“oh, it just looks bigger on me, is all.”
andrea wrote on 08/4/08 at 6:27 pm :
jen - your blog is so damn funny, i made my girlfriend pause the dvd she was watching so i could read this latest entry out loud. thanks for many, many laugh-out-loud moments.
ps - i bought the best pair of silver hoop earrings ever. where? I GOT THOSE BITCHES AT FAN-TASTIC THRIFT FOR $.49, MOFO!!
Dana wrote on 08/13/08 at 11:29 am :
I have the same fucking disease!
But, more importantly, how do I get some of those free haircuts!
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