Archive for the 'Damn Cats' Category
Cat Pharmacist Extraordinaire.
Friday, May 16th, 2008You mean it’s May? And I have a web page?
Where am I again, exactly?
I hate logging onto the computer after a prolonged absence because the guilt trip I get from the box itself is just overwhelming. There are eight hundred pieces of Spam that I have not dealt with! My computer has […]
Trannies and MummyMethKitty.
Monday, March 10th, 2008I had a nice weekend. Friday night I actually got up off of my fat (less fat, eleven pounds down!) ass and left the house to go see a friend of a friend sing at a nearby art gallery.
Afterward, fearing that too much culture would seep into our blood, said friend and I met my […]
The Boob Tube and Meth Kitty.
Wednesday, February 20th, 2008I took so many pills yesterday that Britney Spears showed up at my door and said, “Girl, you need to lay off the drugs.”
Then she ate an Adderall, kicked one of my cats, and wandered off down the street in dirty Ugg boots muttering something about being late for a custody hearing.
The neighborhood continues to […]
Busted and Church.
Wednesday, February 6th, 2008The culprit has been found.
I don’t know why we didn’t see it.
She has a history of violence
and altercations
with Elmo, who as you can see is becoming severely emotionally damaged.
This should have been our first tip-off. However, we erroneously saw this as nothing more than simple play, not the misdemeanors indicative of felonies to come.
She […]
Yellow Alert.
Tuesday, February 5th, 2008Someone has peed upon the bed.
Someone has climbed upon my mother’s bed and simply taken a piss with no regard for either the consequences or the quite fancy velvet patchwork bedspread.
I am aghast.
This is unheard of, throughout a lifetime of cats, this wanton bed-peeing.
Once we had a bed-poop, but it was Elmo, the very day […]
Kitty Takes a Road Trip.
Friday, February 1st, 2008We had a good five or six inches of snow last night and it hasn’t stopped yet, so I assumed that school would be closed today.
Nope. I forgot that the incredibly tough Lutherans subscribe to the theory that unless there is five feet of snow and the doors cannot possibly be opened - and even […]
Last Night.
Monday, January 21st, 2008Today was not a good day, as I fell and fell and fell some more, and my eye hurt and my head hurt and my brain fucking wouldn’t stop thinking like a bitch, and sleep seems like a gift.
At eight o’clock I head to the shelves in the chipped kitchen cabinet earmarked for my pills […]
Cat-Molesting Nazi Psychos.
Wednesday, January 9th, 2008You need to have one squeaky-clean record if you’re going to adopt from the Humane Society, folks.
I was under the impression that a person could just walk in with a smile and out with a cat, but such is not the case. Apparently the good people at the Humane Society are wisely trying to weed […]
But I’m Borrrrred.
Wednesday, January 2nd, 2008We can’t take our new kitten home from the Humane Society until next Friday because the little bugger has pink eye and has to be on medication.
Pink eye.
Therefore my wonderful child is restless and ready to mope the house down.
Do you know what I would like to do with children who act bored post-Christmas during […]
My Yard, My Kingdom.
Monday, July 16th, 2007Yesterday we threw the annual J-Man Birthday Bash, with startlingly low attendance. Apparently my relatives were in short supply and most of my friends were overbooked; either that or I suck and everyone hates me.
I kid.
We did have the lovely Lola, my friend Bek, her husband, and their gorgeous baby; and some of my cooler […]
