Archive for the 'Neighbors' Category
Don’t Go Next Do’ No Mo’.
Tuesday, January 29th, 2008The house next door is fa’rent.
If you’re not up on your Ghetto-ese, the opposite of fa’rent is ta’own. This neighborhood used to be mostly filled with ta’own properties but has become increasingly populated with fa’rent homes and apartments, which means that a high level of undesirables, mainly drug dealers and the occasional redneck, has […]
My Yard, My Kingdom.
Monday, July 16th, 2007Yesterday we threw the annual J-Man Birthday Bash, with startlingly low attendance. Apparently my relatives were in short supply and most of my friends were overbooked; either that or I suck and everyone hates me.
I kid.
We did have the lovely Lola, my friend Bek, her husband, and their gorgeous baby; and some of my cooler […]
Eat Your Green Vegetables.
Thursday, July 12th, 2007I just brought my neighbor a big zucchini somebody gave us because I know she’ll make really awesome zucchini bread out of it and give us some.
Trading vegetables for baked goods is a pretty fucking sweet deal.
Sorry to be such a Debbie Downer yesterday. It’s summer. I need to lighten the hell up.
Happy Thursday.
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Bang Bang Bang.
Tuesday, July 3rd, 2007Fireworks season has been in effect in the ‘hood for, oh, about three fucking months now, so every evening has been punctuated by the sounds of cheap Chinese explosives ricocheting off of the night sky followed by the sound of my profuse swearing.
Is it just me, or are the fireworks bigger and louder this year? […]
Spring Fashion and The Sound Of Screeching Children.
Tuesday, March 13th, 2007It is sixty-five motherfucking degrees.
Never mind the fact that it is actually going to swoop back down to a miserable twenty-nine degrees by the week’s end - right now it is a veritably balmy sixty-five, and I love it. Bring it on. My mom-ass capri pants and I are ready.
Yeah, I like capri […]
Juice Boxes and JPEGS.
Wednesday, February 14th, 2007I do not advocate children using the internet at all, ever; unless perhaps it is for a school project and is done under extremely close and ridiculously paranoid adult supervision.
There will be plenty of time for children to find porn, surf pro-ana sites, and post come-hither photos that will attract pedophiles when they’re teenagers.
Kids plus […]
Crank It Up.
Saturday, February 3rd, 2007I strongly recommend the Pixies on a Saturday morning.
Goes well with your coffee.
I seem to have acquired yet another kid. Jorge the tiny break-dancing Mexican down the street still comes over a good four days a week, and now the new next-door neighbor kid is over every damn day, and I think he has […]
A Magical Winter Wonderland… Full of Phlegm.
Monday, January 22nd, 2007The ground is covered with snow, and my kid was actually outside yesterday playing in the stuff thanks to a new neighbor kid named Stanley. The new kid has not yet learned that kids in this neighborhood eschew the outdoors as if they all were little vampires, and I’m glad.
I am filled with phlegm. I […]
Dope Man.
Wednesday, November 15th, 2006“Hey Mr. Dope Man, you think you’re slick,
You sold crack to my sister, and now she’s sick,
If she happens to die because of your drug,
I’m putting in your culo, a .38 slug.
- “Dope Man”, NWA
There’s a small dope house kitty-corner from Chez Trance. I’m assuming it’s not a crack house because the folks going […]
Let’s Get It Together.
Thursday, November 2nd, 2006Dear Neighbors,
You should all know by now that I don’t rake my leaves until every last one has fallen because I am an efficient human being who prefers to do the entire job in one fell swoop.
You should also know that a fair amount of them are going to blow into your yards, thereby rendering […]
