Trancejen

My Future Wife.

Dear Internet,
Lately I have been receiving a rash of spam advertising Russian mail-order brides.
This in itself is probably not very noteworthy.  I’m sure that many of my blogging peers receive the same offers.
Apparently these women are hard to get rid of.  Given the mentality of most of the men I’ve met during the last ten […]

Posted in This Rocks | 129 Comments »

Boobies! But Not Mine! Yay!

Last night Bullshit and I went to a very excellent burlesque show that was a benefit for TPAN.  Good, good times, my friends.  If you are ever in the area and have the opportunity to see this excellent show, I highly recommend it.
I love me some burlesque.
Also, if you are anywhere within driving, train, or […]

Posted in This Rocks | 165 Comments »

Jen Did Not Overdose On Nog.

I have been the victim of some cruel and horrible cable internet influenza that wormed its way into my phone line and wreaked havoc, causing my little computer box to become sick and take to its little computer bed for far too long a time.
I have dealt with this in the normal way, by swearing […]

Posted in Heartfuck, Memories, The Fam, The J-Man, This Rocks | 28 Comments »

Give Some Love.

You could buy your brother another ugly sweater this year. You could ply your kids with eight hundred cheap plastic pieces of crap that they’re only going to play with for a week before going back to their damned video games.
Or, you could put aside some cash for people who really need it.
Here are […]

Posted in This Rocks | 9 Comments »

Jesus Totally Reads My Blog And So Do Doctors.

So last night, after a long day of bitching about doctors and feeling sorry for myself and railing and shaking my fist at the sky and saying whyeeeeeeeeee meeeeeeee and having a totally horrendous headache from the vomitous pit of hell that needed three Vicodin to quell its firey wrath, I got a telephone call:
“Hello.”
“Hello. […]

Posted in Fuckbrain, Heartfuck, This Rocks | 7 Comments »

On Spiders and Babies.

My child is trying to give me a stroke:

“Hey mom!! Look at this one! It’s a Fragarooga Spider!””Not looking.”
“Look!”
“I AM NOT LOOKING AT THE SPIDER.”
“It’s just a book. Hey, look at this one. Ewwwwwww, it’s all big and red. It’s a Froogenooga spider.”
“J. I AM NOT LOOKING AT ANY GIANT […]

Posted in The J-Man, This Rocks | 11 Comments »

All Partied Out.

I am properly exhausted after a weekend of birthday parties and Halloween carnivals and mad lasagna cooking and dinner parties and lots and lots of praying, “Please God just don’t let me pass out right now, and I swear to [you] I won’t skip church next week.”
Because I’m sure God cares. Deeply. I’m […]

Posted in The J-Man, This Rocks, Uncategorized | 182 Comments »

AWWWW YEAAAAAAH!

I just slept for nine straight hours.
How, you ask?
Nyquil.
My mother, she is a clever one.
Happy, happy Thursday morning.
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Posted in This Rocks | 1 Comment »

Count My Age From The Rings Under My Eyes…

I was up until six-thirty this morning, slept for a half an hour, and then slept from nine until ten.
Strangely enough, I don’t feel tired.  I’m sure that any minute now, I’m going to fall face first into the carpet and sleep for a good twenty-six hours, but I don’t feel sleep-deprived so far.  Just […]

Posted in The J-Man, This Rocks | 12 Comments »

Ridiculously Fun Weekend Activity.

1. Go into room in which spouse/sig. other/child is sleeping.*
2. Open eyes as wide as possible.
3. Stretch face into enormous grin.
4. Place face 1 centimeter from sleeping person’s face. Remain absolutely quiet.
5. Person will awaken within ten seconds and freak the fuck out.
6. Enjoy your moment of hilarity.
Caution: This is very, very addictive, […]

Posted in I Am Stupid, This Rocks | 30 Comments »